Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Objectifying Boys (and men)

Many girls hate men that objectify them - the type of guys that think of girls as nothing more than a thing to use as they please, someone to control, etc.

But a midst all their complaining of how guys are evil, selfish beings with no good guys left, most girls are doing the same thing they hate those guys for - making unrealistic images out of them for their own selves.

Here are three ways I feel we as girls objectify men. Remember, these are just my personal convictions and things I've noticed in other girls and the subsequent consequences of what they did/ did not do. :)

1. Flirting, Selfish Means of Drawing Attention;
When a girl does this she is not thinking of the guy in a very nice way. He's become an object in her mind, one she is trying to conquer for her own personal and emotional reasons.

She is not thinking of him as a friend. She is not considering ways that she can help him .... but of ways that he can please her. Be something to her.

One who flirts with a guy does so to satisfy her own wants.

2. Dramatizing About Guys Through Discussions or Media;
I've seen this done in several ways: blogging, social media, literature, and friends. In every situation girls will talk about real and fictional guys with unrealistic ideals about them.

I will use 16 year old fictional characters Jana and her friend Carol to explain what I mean of how girls do this to boys.

example 1:
Jana, has several "guy friends". Not that this is bad. She texts them all regularly. This is not necessarily bad either.

But her whole life is wrapped around these guys.

One evening after a terribly long, stressful day Jana gets on facebook. Her friend, Chad is on, so she sends him a message.

He doesn't reply as soon as she'd like.

She sends out quick messages to her three other friends, Bryon, Luke and Tim who are also on facebook.

Soon after one of them replies. She gives a quick squeal of delight and texts back.

Not long after this most of her guy friends are texting Jana. Her fingers are typing rapidly as she talks to each of them.

One of her girl-friends, Carol, sends a message to Jana. Jana replies...only after having replied to each of the other guys multiple times each. They chat a bit, but Jana is disinterested with her best friend right now and doesn't keep her part of the conversation up.

Soon she's just facebook messaging her guy friends.

Jana feels like her day has been pretty good after all as she finally goes to bed late that night, all her stress gone.

example 2:
"Have you started Mocking Bird yet?" Carol runs up to Jana the next day.

"A little. Isn't Peeta so great in this one?"


Jana smiles and pulls the book from her bag, "Just listen to this!" She reads a part from the book depicting their favorite character doing a particularly unique thing.

"I can't wait for the last movie to be released!" Carol sighs as Jana finishes reading.

"Which reminds me," Jana squeals. "There's a new movie coming out next month and you won't believe who acts in it?"

"Who!?" Carol asks, eyes big. As Jana tells her, Carol returns, "Not him! Oh, I'm just dying to see that!"

example 3:
Later that night Carol is excited because a certain guy messaged her - first!

She quickly calls Jana to let her know of the "good news".

"No way!" Jana giggles. "What did he say? Really!?"

Carol must have asked Jana how her guy life was doing, because Jana next says, "Really good. Chad messages me a lot still. But guess who has started talking to me more!? Jordyn!!! I know! I still don't know which I like best. He has just like the greatest hair ever, but Jordyn is just so sweet!"

I think it's pretty obvious that these girls are boy crazy :/

But the way people even do this online and in real life, about unreal guys is just as sickening.

Whether talking about all the awesome guys in Twilight, Hunger Games or Lord of The Rings. Or comparing and dreaming about boy-celebrities in music and tv ( such as One Direction :b... ). Or swooning over the terribly chivalrous men of the Jana Austin era literature, girls are comparing each guy to how their future husband will someday be by making "objects" and idols out of them.

Girls, what we are doing is "drooling" ( figuratively ) over men an unladylike way. As if they were made just to please us...

3. "I just can't talk to guys.";

"Wait... how's that objectifying boys????"

This is the most common and subtle way girls dehumanize men. A lot of my readers might not relate to my first two points...but many of you may be in this third category.

A while back I read a book by Elizabeth and Anna Sofia Botkin. I disagreed with most of their book and thought it too extreme, but they made one very crucial point in their book.

"Boys are people, too."

When you say you can't talk to guys in a specific age group you are automatically saying that you do not see these certain men as people but as objects, but instead of reacting with flirting, you ignore them totally.

You are forgetting that they are people.

Just think about it. I know guys that act so shy and won't hardly speak a word to girls. This irritates me to death. People tend to classify me more in the first category as I can be "too" friendly so I take it as rude when people (guys) won't talk to me.

I'm like, "Come on, dude! This is just a conversation not a marriage proposition." Lol. If a guy can't talk to me he's got problems.

What do most guys think when we won't talk to them?

It can actually be worse to not talk to a guy than to flirt with him because not talking to a guy shows that you are so interested in him as a guy that you can't talk to him, yet aren't interested enough to find out more about him as a person.

But how should we treat guys?

We should treat guys our age just like anybody else. If the occasion calls for it, say "hi!".  Ask how they are doing. Start a conversation.

If they are disinterested, don't force them to keep talking, or if they walk away, let them, just like you would any other person.

That's their problem. All you can do is be sociable. If they move on, do the same yourself. Talk to the next person - guy or girl.

If you know someone, don't ignore them - even if they are a guy.

It's not wrong to initiate or have conversations with guys, even multiple guys. What's wrong is thinking of guys in an unrealistic way and how you react to those thoughts.

And for the benefit of my many girl friends that like boys - I'm not saying it's wrong to like guys or even want to get married.

I'm saying treat guys like people. Don't idolize them. Don't hurt them by flirting with them. Think of them, not yourself, more often.

And also, make sure to keep the multiple girls in your life, too. Don't just have friends that are guys. That's just weird, and choosing your friends a little too closely. ;)

Don't objectify specific people or ideas about people, but be a friend to all people. Of course even when being friends with guys, there's a balance.

It's extremely hard when trying not to flirt to accidentally fall into category 3, or when trying to not be rude to become too flirty.

And you can't quite treat guys as you would your close girl friends, but you can treat them as friends, as people deserving respect and friendship, with out being awkward or rude or flirty. :D

What do you think of my thoughts on this? As a girl, do you get classified as a certain type when around guys? What are some things you think you can do to be a better friend to EVERYONE? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!


  1. This was a wonderful post! I can't tell you how much I am annoyed by both "types" that you mentioned so it's encouraging to see another girl with similar perspective. Thankfully I grew up with two brothers and treating guys "like people" has never been much of a difficulty for me. I just treat them (in some respects--certainly NOT all) like my brothers. I feel like this is the way the Bible instructs us to deal with people of the opposite gender after all-- 1 Timothy 5:2!

    1. Thanks! And, yes it's always nice to meet another that thinks the same as you ;)

  2. Great post Keturah! Being at Bible school right now, and around people all day long, I certainly see both sides of the spectrum, and it can be hard to find a balance, and just treat the guys for what they are, a brother in Christ. It doesn't help that I'm quiet, but that shouldn't be an excuse to rude. Thanks for posting on this topic!

    1. Thanks for reading it! :) it can be hard being naturally quiet anyways to not appear to be rude. :D

  3. Nice post! I definitely agree that girls objectify guys just as much and just as badly as guys do to girls. I mean, it's totally okay to have guy friends and to like boy bands and to like guys in books, but the problem comes when you let that become your complete focus (and I'm preaching to myself here, :p. Guilty as charged).


    1. :D I think I write this for every girl out there - including myself. :)

  4. Great post! As a guy I appreciate the fact that there are girls who are willing to defend our humanity before other girls. As a guy who tries to be friendly yet is almost always accused of flirting I definitely appreciate people who can see people three-dimensionally.

  5. Great post! As a guy I appreciate the fact that there are girls who are willing to defend our humanity before other girls. As a guy who tries to be friendly yet is almost always accused of flirting I definitely appreciate people who can see people three-dimensionally.

  6. Wow, Keturah. This is actually my first time ever on your site, and what comes to meet me but the very issue that has been weighing on my mind for weeks now. It's a really, really long story, but basically earlier this summer I came to grips with the very painful truth that I was *hanging on* to a lot of undue sentimental thoughts and affections. Since then, the Lord has been working on me... and working... and working... and it's amazing how many sources He has used. Yours has just become the latest of them! :)

    Thank you for speaking the truth, for putting things bluntly, because when I look back--especially on the past four years--I see how many good, God-honoring friendships could have been built up. It would be wonderful if other girls could make the most of their teenage years! (Can't believe I'm saying that... am I that old already?)

    Love in Christ,

  7. Wow, that so neat!! And yes, that is dad, but it's never too late to start building good relationships now! :)

  8. AMEN.

    Keturah, I am SO sorry it took me so long to reply to your comment on my post and read this one, I missed it somehow... BUT OH, MY GOODNESS, PREACH.

    As a girl with a ton of guy friends I HATE it when I see girls flirting with them and leading them on while not really caring about them, THESE GUYS HAVE HEARTS AND SOULS, TOO!

    And UGH. Objectification is so bad. WHY?!?! It annoys me so much and it honestly gets worse and worse and WORSE. Like, STOP.

    I love my guy friends like brothers, and maybe that will change for one of them one day, but I WOULD NEVER USE THEM TO VALIDATE MYSELF. So many girls do that, and they aren't really friends. It's sad, this needs to stop.

    *Ahem* So, yeah. Sorry for ranting in your comment section two years late, but this was great. I couldn't resist!

    1. Ah, thanks! So glad you like it - and love your ranting ;) keep up with it 😁


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