When Life Isn't The Colors You Want

"You have such a colorful life," many a friend have told me in recent years.

I always smile (in bright pink or yellow, right, though my teeth remain white) and say thank you (with a respectful shade of brown), and say it's all fun (green is life ya know).

But something about the statement of my colorful life irks a dark, black part of my conscious.

You see, my life hasn't always been colorful. Or wait ... it always has been colorful. But not with the shades or colors I like. 

You see, much of my life has felt grey. You know, dull and pointless. It had its times of pastels ... almost, there were colors I liked, but "Why did they have to be so faded and out of reach of what I really wanted?" 

Or, those times of life, when everything was awkwardly fluorescent shades of "I'm trying to colorful, but I'm really going to hurt your eyes".

You see, my life has ALWAYS been colorful.
But it's only now that it's of the colors that I love, and that others can appreciate, too.

I don't care what you say, LIFE IS COLORFUL. 
And I don't care how hard you try, YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET TO CHOOSE THE COLORS. 

So, how did I finally get to the place where I am now able to showcase lovely, vibrant colors?
By learning to see the beauty in the colors that were already mine. But accepting them as what God had given me, and to be thankful for those shades of grey and black and fluorescent green.

First, I had to let the blue release from my soul and trace painful paths down my cheeks. Crying comes for a time before healing. 
I had to learn to see through red as rage ran its course ... to an end. Don't let the sun fall on your anger, but let the anger have its day. 
I had to find God's hand when everything was black, to close my eyes, and to see. Because He had better colors for me to see. All I needed to do was forget what I desired, and to see what He desired. 

And then, somehow, the colors changed.
The dull grey became the refined grey that I love.
The fluorescent colors tamed and left their wild efforts behind to find a place in my heart; a place from which they now explode with radiance.

Or maybe they never changed.
Maybe I finally saw them for their full beauty, and I let them shine. And shine bright, have they. All I had to do was let go and tear through the black to see the colors that had always been waiting, buried underneath.

Don't settle for dull colors.
Don't try for painful colors.

Can't you see the beautiful world God made?
Life is hard ... but textured, cultured, beauty is rarely simple.

Life might not be what you want right now.
Someone else's life might look more colorful than yours.

But is it?
Or is your life just made of purple and orange rather than pink and green?

As soon as you see and accept the beauty God has given you, then will you be able to live a full life that you will love and others will admire. You will have a smile that shines from your eyes to your ears. Getting dressed will be your own art, working will joyous, friendships will have meaning and depth.

Does this mean that God's colors are always easy?
No.
Does this mean that God's colors are always what you want?
No.

But it is possible to live purposefully fulfilled regardless of whether the colors are just what you would've wanted or chosen.
Perception, then acceptance, that's what it's all about. 

What colors do you live by? Vibrant shades, or mediocre, faded colors? 

Inspired by my post, The Colors Of My Life.