A Letter To Stay-At-Home-Daughters

Dear Girls, Who Secretly Want An Adventure, 

Parents were scared of me when I was a teenager. They feared my quiet mysteriousness. I was really just sullen and shy, but not really at all sly. Sure, I read and had a bit of sass. They heard about the essays my mother would assign as punishment: "Write something on how children should obey their parents." Too gleefully (because I loved writing and loved scripture) I'd quickly hand back a paper that explained why parents shouldn't provoke their children to wrath. 

Homeschooled parents will say they teach their children to be independent thinkers. And yet they feared my independence and creativity. They tried to keep their children far from me. "What if she causes our children to leave home and become like the world?" 

I never would have dreamt of that. They heard about the essays. But what they didn't see was how I quietly loved my chores, loved our ways, loved feminine things and anything old fashioned and clever. Sometimes my friends and I would share our complaints and they would ask, looking around to see if their parents were listening, "What should I do? Should I run away?"

"No. Stay true to what you want to do but find a way to honor your parents."

What these parents didn't see is that I was too independent of a thinker to rashly run away from my problems into other problems. I was determined to fight for what I wanted staying just where I was. I would have my independence and remain under my parents' roof. I would write and find happiness right where I was.  

Some of those parents eventually learned to trust me, and even thank me for my friendship with their children.

Now it is young conservative women who fear me. Those who still remain home, who never fought the battle, but surrendered believing that to fight was to dishonor. They see me traveling and dressing femininely and pursuing a strange sort of delightful life that can be called neither strict nor liberal. Part of them desire to have a similar life of freedom. But the battle they lost screams bitterly and angrily that my way can't be real.

I want to tell these young women that their life doesn't have to consist of drawing thank you cards and reading Janette Oke romances. They can lead (yes lead!) virtuous and wholesome lives that appeal to nature's callings. They can live this life, too, outside of their dreams. They don't have to wait for the glories of eternity to be beautifully arrayed before they taste life. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting marriage, but to waste away waiting for it is some sort of tragedy far beyond healthy. Wholesome dreams aren't found by staying secluded and sheltered. Life and dreams want light. It wants women to be an inspiration, to show men the meaning of beauty and laughter and even of adventure. 

We might want to submit to some man, but men want us to lead them in the ways of Grace, conversation, and delight. 

Maybe you don't fear me as much as believe this just can't be. But it's dualistic either-or thinking to assume that you have to stay home in order to remain pure. Just look and listen. It's more common to hear a girl at home griping and yelling and stubbornly refusing to do something than it is to hear a woman in possession of her wits to let anyone ruffle her feathers over such petty things. 

It is possible to step into fear and do terrifying things and remain a godly woman. I would go as far as to say that you should, and if you aren't it implies that you're living a life of complacency, a form of deceit and pride. 

It is not wrong to face danger as a woman, alone and lively. It is not wrong to be a woman who desires. It is not wrong to desire, to do, to be rewarded. 

We need more prophetess and priestesses out here spreading light and sprinkling salt. Do not fear me. Face your fears and delight in the Lord... His ways are beyond imaginings. They are GOOD and alive and new.

If you are a stay-at-home daughter, ask yourself if God really wants you to be at home or if you're scared to try something new and better. You don't have to reject your skirts and traditions to step outside your door. You can travel safely and live vivaciously and smartly. 

Leave the stuffy air of your bedroom, end this epidemic, and show feminists that God makes worthy women strong women, too. 

Remain sweet, be wild. 

Do something scary and meaningful. 

Leave behind girlhood and become a woman! 

Sincerely, 

Keturah