Craving Rest

My mind is so full right now.

My life is so busy.

I feel overwhelmed by nothing in particular and everything at once.

Yet I can't stop from doing. From not sleeping.

Exhaustion is my addiction.

To rest is not an option. Or so it seems.

And I keep looking for more… more?

More of what?

Why do I crave chaos? Why do I laugh in my stress? Why can't I cry, even though my eyes are heavy?

Life and all it's mysteries.

Right now they make too much sense, yet are even more distant than ever before.

I keep feeling like I am not doing enough.

I need to make every breath count.

But is just breathing enough? Must I constantly gasp for air? Is it okay to just live every now and then?

My life is crazy. Yet I love it.

My mind yearns to stretch out more. Every muscle in me, physical and mental, demand to hurt every second.

And then I see color.

Life stops - no pauses - for a second. I breath in the warm sunshine.

“Ah.”

Now that was a breath worth taking.

I smile. I see someone, and smile bigger. They, too, smile.

That was something worth doing.

I suddenly can fall down, and do nothing. I am not laughing in stress. I am not reaching out to do. I am just sitting, thinking.

And then the tears can fall.

This is what my life needs. This is what makes the rest possible – these small moments of peaceful tears.

This doesn't really mean anything. I just sat down (tired) one night a couple months ago and wrote this. My mind does that sometimes when I can't sleep but should - comes up with weirdness that could almost be on the verge of soul-beautiful.

I hope you enjoy this just a little ;)