We live in a culture that promotes self-idolizing and cutting out anything that is toxic for self, including and especially other fellow humans.
A huge part of this culture thrives on Facebook, and their activities involve a lot of self-protective actions such as deleting or blocking or unfollowing anyone that disturbs their self-centered bubble. Of course, the way to guarantee one stays blocked is to usually let them know ;)
Not always, mind you, just often.
Because revenge is sweeter when the other person's face turns sour.
Some of you may be shocked to find out I have been part of the "toxic" rubbish that had to be deleted out of some people's bubbles. Others of you will be like, "Yeah, I'm not surprised. Actually, been thinking of deleting you myself."
Thank you to both sides of that spectrum, because you all bring a smile to my face ... with the first type of people, I smile out of encouragement and joy, with the second I smile because you are so stupid it's hilarious.
Pardon my bluntness. Except I actually don't want forgiveness. So Scratch that.
Satire aside, I thought it'd be fun to talk about why I've been deleted off of Facebook (no it's not for using the name Jesus or Yeshua as I prefer, sadly enough) and why I don't delete people.
Why I don't block or delete people on Facebook or other social media:
Actually, let me first take a moment to say that I believe there are times to delete or block people, especially block. But that time is rare and done out of actual necessity, never hate. When someone is an actual threat to your life, definitely take all precautions including but not limited to making sure they can't harm you or anyone else.
"But someone causing harm to my mental health is just as dangerous as them actually hurting me physically."
Yes. And no.
There is real mental abuse.
And then there are those that take anything and everything as mental abuse.
I know some people pour and receive all of their energy online. But they don't need to.
I can see a stupid idiot on my phone, and scroll to allow that person to continue being a stupid idiot. I can even receive a message from said person and reply politely without becoming bent up over it. I can see something I disagree with it, and I can even make it clear I disagree, but I don't need anyone to conform to my ideologies to make my beliefs secure for myself or to settle my state of mind.
I don't need to delete anyone to have a pleasant fifteen minutes on Facebook.
I do need to be loving to all, to spread God's truth and words to all, and to be a shining light of Yeshuah's character.
I do not need to stomp on anyone in the process.
In fact, I shouldn't even be thinking about me when I'm online, but what I should be doing, which is using my time as a way to follow God's commandments.
I don't delete people because it's not loving.
I don't block people because it's immature.
I will occasionally unfollow someone if their posts are indecent, but I never shove it in their face that I've done so.
I also don't accept every friend request I get on social media. In real life I am friends to all people I come across, and if anyone talks to me online or offline I will reply and act friendly and lovingly. But I'm not going to "friend" every person I don't know to only continue not knowing them for some number game ...
... except I do play one small number game. My dad and I have this thing where we are competing to see who has the most friend requests (that we'll never accept). Once I was way above him, but now that he has got into politics he has me beat by hundreds. I think I have around 150 friend requests right now ;p
I've certainly accepted a lot of people I wish I hadn't accepted. Mostly because I now have so many online friends that crowd my posts so it's hard to see all of my good friends' posts, without scrolling for hours. But I don't delete those people for two reasons:
1. I tried once and almost every person messaged me saying, "Hey, we somehow aren't friends anymore and I really love your posts."
Like, you never reacted to mine ever. I didn't even know I was only your radar. But, I'm sorry.
2. It's too late. I've already told them yes, so I can't go back now. Besides, at this point, I actually don't know who is or isn't "invested" in what I post. And I don't want to be one of those people that cause unnecessary wounds. Because deleting people can and does cause offense.
And now for the fun part ...
Reasons people have blocked or deleted me:
- Because I am a girl (seriously, this guy went through his friends and deleted all of his friends that were girls. It's funny to tell now, but at the time it was really hurtful because I thought we had a close platonic friendship)
- I did something, or said something, or possibly associated with the wrong people? Again, maybe funny, but at the time it was REALLY hurtful because I considered her a good friend. To this day she won't tell me why she blocked me on every social media.
- Because I am my parents' daughter. My dad is into politics, and my mom is conservative. So both relatives and distant friends have deleted or blocked me just because of who they are, not because of anything I've done. (At least I think so). Some of these people have been aunts, so that's painful ;0
- Because I am a cyberbully. Lol. For this one, I actually got a message as an explanation. I actually never had a chance to be offended, because I laughed so hard. The person trolled a post of mine, and instead of replying to their heated comments I laughed reacted to them. Humor is offensive to most people these days, I hear? Either way, the person did apologize, something that I neither expected nor needed. But I thought it nice of them regardless.
- Because I was too painful to be friends with anymore. I probably shouldn't share this, because I actually should have deleted the person myself, but couldn't. And even now I'm not sure that was the right course of action, and I'm glad now not to be friends because we were basically transitioning into a breakup and never having anything to do with each other again. So yeah, hard stuff and Facebook got to be the intermediator ;p
- As far as I know, I've never been deleted for my own politics or religious views (but then who knows?). Which really has me shocked. Because I've always been told to expect such things.
- ... except for what I said about coronavirus on Facebook was too emotional for them. They never even tried to argue with me. Just said they couldn't be friends anymore ;p
- And then ... I have been deleted for saying I hate dogs ;p Sidenote, this person later apologized. Again, I neither expected nor needed an apology, but it was still nice of the person all the same. Either way, I hold nothing against said person.
Have you been deleted or blocked? For noble or comical reasons? What's your stance on doing the same to others, and why?
I'm not sure if I've been blocked or deleted, either way, I don't care. People have their reasons and I can respect that and if I didn't even notice, it obviously wasn't a person I was close to lol.
ReplyDeleteI've blocked a lot of people, when I first joined facebook I was naive, I accepted all of the requests from people who my friends knew in real life, the problem was all of these friends were guys, so when they said "oh yeah, he's awesome, accept that" they didn't know I would wake up to over 200 messages a day from all of these guys.
I would open up messenger occasionally and I could see twenty guys typing.
At first, I copy and paste rejected them, and then deleted the ones that were creeping me out because they didn't back off, the oldest was 36, there was also a dad in there telling me about his son and trying to get me to go out with his son if he ever moves down where I live, just a bunch of stuff like that.
I made a lot of friends, a lot of the guys apologized and since then we are friends and have pretty good conversations every once and a while.
The others kept asking me to reconsider or if they could have my number so they can call me and they wouldn't take "no" for an answer, I got tired of them constantly blowing up my phone so I deleted them.
I recently deleted a thirty year old, I rejected him and said I would never been interested and he said he understood but he kept messaging me daily, he sent me Proverbs 31 and said "you fit this description" and stuff like that, I let it go, but then he visited my congregation and it was just a stark contrast and it made me realize how weird him messaging me and trying to be my friend was, so I deleted him because he doesn't need a seventeen year old girl for a friend, we're on good terms, we're in some groups together so we occasionally interact but I just needed that to be cut back because I felt creeped on slightly.
I'm not sure how common this is, but even when I don't accept requests, I still constantly get message requests from guys asking if they can get to know me. So that's my reason for deleting people, I'm so tired of it now that if someone just messages me "hi" I delete them because I am uninterested.
I've given one guy off of instagram a chance, he messaged me and I had heard so many good things about him, we talked for a few weeks, he came down where I live for an event and we hung out that week, but it didn't work out because I found out he wasn't who his reputation and his words led me to believe, and that has also left a bad taste in my mouth. :/
Wow, that's intense! I've had a few guys send me creepy messages. But definitely never so many as you. I just don't accept friend requests from people I don't know, unless there's a reason to do so (like writing or political related, where I know this person is actually going to add something to my FB life in some sort of "business" way.
DeleteAs for the creepy guys that did message me, I just replied with a simple nice message and then ignored them forever after. But that doesn't work for some girls. I guess, I've been lucky that I've been able to stick by my no-blocking policy.
But yeah, it's different when you're blocking someone you don't know/ a creep, and when you're blocking someone that ought to have been a good friend.
(Also, if I were you I'd totally dig a thirty year old ;p but to each her own ;)
I'm starting to do that! Although, I still accept from people I've seen around or heard of because I want to know as many Christians as possible.
DeleteSo many didn't listen and kept blowing up my phone, haha.
There's a difference for sure and I wouldn't simply block or delete someone over a different view.
Haha, for me the real question is: what thirty year old in their right mind would be interested in a seventeen year old? Anyone who is over six years older than me approaching me online or off feels sketchy, and I don't want to have to wonder years down the road if the only reason they started talking to me was because they viewed me as young and impressionable. I'm not saying I wouldn't date or marry someone considerably older, but the circumstances would have to be much different and less creepy. :P
It is so nice having a great group of Christian friends, for sure :)
DeleteWell, most 30 year old men still see themselves as 15 year old boys ;) Also, sadly, one of the reasons some men are still single is simply because they haven't found a woman in their age bracket that is compatible and Godly. And they are often "too" set in their ways. There is a charm about a young girl that any boy or man is attracted to. Yes, some men are creepy, but sometimes age only highlights that whereas younger men can hide it better. But yes you're wise to be cautious. Many older men are creepy ;) I just had to stand up for the good ones for a moment ;D
Yes to this! It drives me crazy when people start cutting people out of their lives. One time when talking to a friend I asked about another friend of hers. She told me: "I'm not friends with her, she's part of a bad group and isn't doing good things." Shocked, I replied , "Shouldn't you be the good example she needs?" There are times to step back, definitely, especially if someone is making you uncomfortable or being abusive. Also it's good for anyone who likes to do anything that the people around them to know their boundaries. But why is there so much focus on it? Why break people apart instead of being a true friend?
ReplyDeleteBlogging is my only social media because making all of the friend choices is way too much pressure for me, lol. I also recently have been into Ennegram and I learned that I'm a 9, which means that I hate conflict and broken relationships. So, maybe I'm over reacting. Good post, anyway!
And recently I just found out that a girl deleted me over some satire post I posted years ago and forgotten about, haha. I laughed, because we had never really been friends but she acted like she really hated my guts. I mean, I'm sad that she hated my guts rather than try to understand me. But I wasn't hurt by it all. Kinda crazy.
DeleteBut yes that story about your friend is super sad and all too common. Why are we, especially conservative Christians, so quick to hate and create lines where neither hatred nor lines was ever meant to be!?
I love blogging best! Social media can be nasty, but it's a great tool in my life, too, so I put up with the nastiness for the sake of everything else.
I feel I'm every Ennegram lol. I mean, I don't dodge conflict and embrace it before I'll suffocate through unresolved tension. But that's only because I really value friendships and don't want to see them break. Funny how some of us try to protect our friendships by fighting, and some of us by NOT fighting ;) Takes all of us to make the world go round ;D
I think I've been deleted by people, but not because of anything I did. I never post much, so they may have forgotten who I was, or had no reason to keep me in the circle of people who can see their stuff. I've removed people for that reason. If I don't really know them and never interact, I figure no one will be hurt. If I've had a decent conversation with them at some point, either in person or online, I won't unfriend then. I might stop following them if they post a lot of stuff I care nothing about, but not usually.
ReplyDeleteAs for being blocked, I'm not that interesting. I think even my Twitter discussions of some years ago for me blocked. I often have the impression I agreed with people more than I do. I have stopped following people in Twitter because of opposing viewpoints, but not as a knee jerk reaction. I simply can't read everything people have to say. If I follow less people, there's more chance I'll talk to any of them.
I'm sure people have deleted me for the same reason, I just don't pay attention.
DeleteAnd you're not that interesting!? Don't say that! Maybe you don't feel like shouting to the whole world about your very fascinating persona, or perhaps many are too blind, but there's no such thing as a person that's not interesting ;)
And yeah ... I'm one of those weird people that friend people just because they have an opposing viewpoint. I find it alluring in some odd way. We all have our weird hobbies ;)
I don't have face book, but I try to keep my friends and feed to a manageable amount. I try to stay small when it comes to online stuff. I haven't been blocked or anything. But I understand what you are saying. I don't think I would block anyone unless it was best thing to do.
ReplyDeleteastorydetective.blogspot.com
Small feeds make it easier to interact with everyone. So I think that's great, for sure. Sometimes my blogger feed overwhelms me. Always so much to read ;) You're definitely not missing out by not having Facebook. I love is at a tool, but people can be troublesome on there.
DeleteI do think it can be really immature and silly. If being done for the right reasons I get it though.
ReplyDeleteThe dog one, wow! XD
For sure, I'll agree there are times and places. But for the most part ... I'm addressing those times that it's done way too much.
Delete