My Lost Tooth Dream

I dreamt my tooth was loose. 

I've dreamed such dreams throughout much of my life. So far I've always awoken relieved to find my teeth still firmly rooted in my mouth. 

But this dream was different. Only one tooth was about to fall out, and it was one of my front side teeth. When I smiled it showed. 

What follows is almost funny. 

You know how fingers always want to touch and wriggle things they ought not to? It was all I could do to keep my fingers out of my mouth. I would not help this tooth come free. In fact, I would pretend it was alright. And then it would be. I couldn't lose it. I needed it. Maybe if I needed it enough, it would be fine... 

No such luck. It fell out. 

I thought, "Maybe I can put it back in!" 

But it broke into many chunks, larger than the tooth ever could have been. 

I panicked. I would not be able to live if I could not smile. How could anyone? One had to smile. They would die without happiness, wouldn't they? 

I held onto the pieces of the tooth that had now ruined my life. Bitterness threatened to consume me. I had lost and I could do nothing to fix it, though even now I sought every possible solution. Nothing was possible. 

Except for the one thing I knew I necessary. Surrender. 

Palm upward, fingers sprawled, I held out the pieces of tooth. I did not see who took them, but I believe it was God. 

With tooth gone forever, so were the temptations, regrets, and bitterness. I was free. I was not less. Oh, and what was this bliss! It was so much! It was peace and joy and immense relief. 

I smiled. 

I saw myself smiling, and there was no visible gap. I checked... yes, the tooth was still gone. But where it had been was far out of the reach of my open lips. And... there were still roots there. I knew the tooth was not gone permanently, after all. 

* * * 

I once told someone I had recurring dreams of teeth falling out of my mouth. I'd meant to make them laugh. They had dabbled in psychology and told me,  "That's a sign of feeling out of control as you experience some abrupt loss." 

I was immediately ashamed for being accidentally so completely vulnerable.  

Even now, I'm hesitant to share this dream. Dreams are strange. But there is something about this one, no matter how personal, that just seems to want to be shared. 

How I thought I needed that tooth to smile! How I think I need so many things to be happy! I try so hard to make everything go my way, to do all the 'right' things, to fix and mend it all. It matters not if I think I have self-control and keep my fingers from annoying the situation. I still believe lies. I still trust my own strength and my own perception of what is true. 

 But God knows better. 

I need nothing to be happy. And it's not my job to try and fix anything. 

My job is to surrender all my desires and my pains; to hold no record of wrong, to forgive, to smile. How happy it makes one! 

I can't help but think of the martyrs during the early days of Christianity. Oh, they must have felt the pain as they were tortured. But it was not all they felt. As they experienced great trials, they knew the presence of God so thoroughly that joy naturally outshone their agonized tears.  

I know what the tooth represents for me. I know what I must surrender. But the roots that were left behind remind me of a story my grandma told me of a tooth growing back when it never should have. Whether those roots are a remembrance of what God already did, or a sign of all the good He means to do yet, I must surrender. And smile. 

Here's a song with a line about tooth-losing dreams:

Does the tooth represent anything for you in your life?