The Social Porcupine

 I am so tired.  I am so tired of saying life is fine .  I am so tired of trying to be strong and mature and wise . I just want to cry, I just want someone to truly see me and try and understand and not turn away when they see who I really am. I am tired of smiling and pretending things are OK. Nothing is alright.  I am not evil – or am I? Certain people make me feel so evil. So worthless. I want to lead a life that is honorable toward God and others. I don't want to live for me EVER. I don't want to understand myself more, I want to understand others. But there comes a point when I can just no longer do it. My trying only ends in hurt. I can't understand. No one else can understand.  Everything I believe, everything I work for - it all gets muddied with misunderstanding and hurt and lies.  I am not strong. I am weak . I am not mature. I am uncertain. I am scared, not confident that things will work out fo...

I just realized something awful the other day . . . I haven't updated you all on my life in a long while!!! For that I am sorry!  I have been living . . . I just had forgot to tell you all ;p  Anyways . . . Life.  Ummm . . . I mean to update you. But where to start??? I have been busy. But with what? (Ever feel like that ;p)  I have been busy trying to work too much. I actually had to let go a couple of jobs these last couple months. I just couldn't keep up with it all. I also had to sell most of my goats ;/ I have one goat right now. A white doe named Luna. But I really don't take care of her. My little brother, Josiah, does. Awhile back I asked, very serious like, him, "Josiah, is my goat still alive?" When I first bought Luna she was so wild it took us several hours to catch her... that to my best milk goat! I must say I'm proud of what she has become :D For some reason my mom thought that was hilarious. But I was trul...

I hate planes. It's not that I hate the flying part, or that I'm scared of being high above the ground. I actually rather enjoy that part. But I hate all the security, and how rude everyone can be. And one time in particular I had a bad experience because they didn't like my skirt or my ID. Of course this wasn't exactly the worst thing in the world. Many people have had many much more terrible experiences, to the point that they were truly violated or their lives in danger. And one person made sure to tell me this when I told them why I didn't like flying. Ouch. That's all I can think when someone says your fears or struggles are unbiased because of others' real struggles. You scrunch up and feel guilty. It's like someone is saying, “You don't know what real pain and fear is, because you have been too sheltered. You don't even know how to truly love God, because you have never really been tested.” Or m...

In my  post, Am I Safe in My Sin?,  I talked about whether or not we as individual Christians ought to sin or not. But that then brings up the question "What is sin?" According to the online dictionary sin is: "An immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law. 'A sin in the eyes of God' Synonyms: immoral act, wrong, wrongdoing, act of evil/wickedness, transgression, crime, offense, misdeed, misdemeanor." It's funny, that even if though the Bible has set rules and examples of sin it's hard to understand what sin and evil really are. That's because sin and evil aren't things or made-up rules. They are ideas - theological and philosophical concepts. Once you understand that sin is not a thing but an abstract reality, it's easier to answer the following questions; 1. "What is sin?" 2. "Who made sin?" 3. "Who decided what sin is?" 4. "Who punishes sin?" 1. As ...

"Once saved, always saved." What a controversial statement. One that contains so much meaning - and causes so much arguing. It mostly is based from the following passage, Romans 8:31-39 "What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am ...

This is not my testimony... but one I made up ;) the sole purpose of this is to show two things: 1. Testimonies aren't always true nor worthy of sympathy -  the sort of sympathy that makes you consider changing your views. 2. You have to be very careful when people use verses to back up their claims. Because more likely than not, they may be using this verse to fit their testimony instead of molding their life to fit God's word. Also, I hope you may find many opportunities to laugh in this. :D After reading the article check out the following verses: Proverbs 12:22, John 8:44, Exodus 23:1, and Colossians 3:9. Growing up was very hard for me, because I was living a lie - not who I was at heart, a liar. I had a decent family, yes. I even grew up in a great church family, and was saved at an early age. If it wasn't for my faith in God I don't know how I could have lived through my childhood. Because even though my family and church was great they were mor...