The Social Porcupine

*Disclaimer, I'm writing about an exchange with a large twitter account because it's a prime example of the culmination of struggles in my heart right now, and she likely won't see my post. If she does, I would hope she would at least appreciate my perception of the event and that I'm willing to be honest. We have all these terms we throw around about people to justify our perceptions of them as toxic. Truth is life isn't as simple as that, and we're too complex to be the pure victim or the total perpetrator.  A couple months ago it came to my attention that there was deep tension between two acquaintances and myself. I'd known of it for a long time and didn't know what to do about it... until I realize I could just be honest, accepting, and kind.  Within two day I'd reached out to both young women and reconciled.   Something unexpected happened. They reciprocated. We forgave each other, the misunderstandings were shattered and forgotten, and we now ...

Written a long time ago Walk the narrow straight.  It's not so straight, but it's narrow. No room for a companion. No guardrails for when I feel weak. My strength is ebbing. I am drowning in a moving circling current, unable to float into freedom.  What does it mean to let go of someone you love?  I know I mustn't cut him out of my life. I know I mustn't hate him. How could I? My heart aches because I love him so much and don't know how to be merely a friend.  A friend? I wait. I grow. I pray. I gave him my heart... he said, "Thank you for your vulnerability. Let me hold it for a bit. Never mind. It bores me."  Oddly, he never returned my gift. How could he? How can a heart be returned or taken back? How can fire be unkindled? Passion must burn its course until it dies.  * * * "What do you want to do with your life," a man asks a girl.  "I want to forget all of my dreams save the ones that might add sparkles to your life," t...

[Contains a Jane Eyre spoiler] I have many shared hobbies with little boys and old men, but my favorite is my hoard of coins... and saving dropped pennies. Lucky people collect fear as collateral.  It is the defining force behind antifragility; when you want to run away: stay put.  Make best friends of she whom you hate when that hatred stirs from the deepest pit of jealousy. Don't become her and she will become you. It's a mark of maturity.  Can't sing? Better learn before you get to heaven.  Your darkest nightmares are designed to become your dearest dreams.  Lucky people choose their passions out of seemingly cold and hopeless options. They say yes and no very often, without prejudice or with very much judgment.  They are the friend everyone wishes to have. They make pain quirky and they always have a penny when you need it. It is the unlucky who believe "moments" and "sparks" just happen. Such people sit by the true dark, dead hearths. ...

  "You poor creature! Do you not wish to be saved from the dirt?" "Oh! But I love the taste of Earth."  "Is not life so low, so boring down there?" "No. This is where reality fills me with goodness, with gladness."  "Being unimaginative is only a problem when you're easily bored,"  ~  Nassim Taleb You say, "My imagination is unparalleled."  "Show me," I ask. "Lead me through your dreamt adventures." You say, "You bore me."  Now I know you lie. Who are you to place your boredom onto me? Am I responsible for the longevity of your imagination? Am I the keeper of your interest? Not until you bid me. I do not owe you the fascinating jewels of my heart until you have proved yourself safe.  You are only bored with me because you are lazy. You procrastinate and flee. What do you hide from? Boredom is your problem . If my shell bores you, break it. I'm waiting to be known. Do not say I bore you. N...

". . . then I hope she cheats  Like you did on me  I hope what goes,  comes all the way around  I hope she makes you feel  the same way about her  that I feel about you right now"  ~ Gabby Barrett - I Hope Mostly, I listen to music, not lyrics.  There are enough words in my mind.  But occasionally the words of a song penetrate my thoughts and I find myself either in love or pulling those words apart. Sometimes the words tormenting me aren't from just one song, but a splattering and meshing of many. And so I'm not really ever hating on one song, but on a single idea threading itself through them all.  "I hope you're feeling lonely baby  now we're not together." ~ Marsha Ambrosius - I Hope She Cheats On You I understand the sentiment of antipathy.  Nobody enjoys feeling used and thrown away. It's awful having that person as merely  "somebody that I used to know" (Gotye).   And yet. . .if you truly loved that ...

"What's the worst thing that they can say?" People say this to us all the time when we're hesitating. And we laugh at our own fear. No is such a tiny word. Not asking guarantees "No." Asking gives the possibility and hope of, "Yes." And that's why, usually, we go ahead and ask. "What's the worst thing that they can say?" But what of the times when it's no trivial matter you're pursuing? Or when you know that maybe you ought to ask, but when and how? What when receiving a no leaves you devasted, dejected, despairing? What if no is the worst thing you could hear? I'm not talking of not being able to find toilet paper, but of being stuck in that dark hallway with every door slammed in your face. Nowhere to go, and no reason to live. How do you live in the midst of a broken heart when you knew that was the person for you? How do you live when people tell you your dreams are trash when you are sure they are not...

The other day I was thinking about how it was sad that some people don't like to think or have opinions. As if having an opinion about something is bad. You see, I love to spend my days developing opinions about all sorts of things while I work. It's fun to think. And it's fun to stretch your thoughts in new directions. But on this particular day, I was pitying all of those that don't like having opinions. I really pity those who say things like, "I don't really have an opinion." And say it as if they really  don't have an opinion. Like I said, I was spending my time pitying them. Until I started thinking about how impossible it had to be to not have an opinion about something. "Surely, there's something that everyone has an opinion on?"  And then it dawned on me what that something was—kissing!  Everyone has an opinion about kissing. And if you tell me you don't, I'll be convinced that you are lying to m...

I have always loved fairy tales. But not for the reason most seem to like them. I have always thought the fairy tale cliches of love at first sight, dreams do come true, and being saved from a hard life by a handsome Prince were stupid. "But isn't that what fairy tales are all about? A magical way to dream of true love?" No. I like real  fairy tales because I see them a stories full of virtue and lessons. I don't see a story fascinating when it's about a girl falling in love because she finds her heart unable to beat steady because she just saw wind whip over a rugged face and deep blue eyes. To me, that's not a real fairy tale, but something that Disney has made us think is the real deal. To me a fairy tale is synonymous for a moral tale — a short story about people learning lesson in a radical, shocking way often with a touch of fantasy to thrill us as we learn something valuable. Often where one would expect magic there will be gruesome horror....

Girls hiking in their skirts with their guns = exercised feminine rights  I used to hate hiking. But then I used to hate a lot of things. I had been wanting to see Alexa's baby (Alexa is the girl on the far left) and I hadn't actually yet met Keziah (the third girl to the right). I really needed a break from writing and cleaning, and for me that means hanging out with friends. But I don't really like shopping (spending money is stressful, y'all) and I like to be active. So I decided to kill three birds with a stone — I planned a girls' hike up near where Alexa and Keziah lived so I could meet Alexa's baby and meet Keziah. Best "mutli-tasking" idea I've ever had! We had a fabulous Sabbath ( most of us keep Saturday sabbath ) of hiking, fellowship, and fun! When I finally went home I was refreshed and inspired. Great conversations had happened. We encouraged each other, discussed what was on our hearts, and grew. It's hard to expla...

Sometimes I like to write stories with pictures. Once upon a time I actually wanted to be a children's book illustrator... I thought I loved drawing. But then I realized I was a better writer than artist. Plus I love writing more :D  Yet, at times... art is still quite fun ;D  This is my 200th post. I think that's kinda exciting ;D If you actually count the posts you will only find 199. This is because of my blog being redesigned ( one of my best friends is very techy! ). So that means I'm going through old posts and getting rid of pictures that I wasn't allowed to use ( I was ignorant with picture laws when I started blogging ) and adding tags. One post was all pictures that weren't mine, so I deleted that ;p