My mind is so full right now. My life is so busy. I feel overwhelmed by nothing in particular and everything at once. Yet I can't stop from doing . From not sleeping. Exhaustion is my addiction. To rest is not an option. Or so it seems. And I keep looking for more… more ? More of what? Why do I crave chaos ? Why do I laugh in my stress? Why can't I cry, even though my eyes are heavy? Life and all it's mysteries . Right now they make too much sense, yet are even more distant than ever before. I keep feeling like I am not doing enough. I need to make every breath count . But is just breathing enough? Must I constantly gasp for air? Is it okay to just live every now and then? My life is crazy. Yet I love it. My mind yearns to stretch out more. Every muscle in me, physical and mental, demand to hurt every second. And then I see color . Life stops - no pauses - for a second. ...