The Social Porcupine

*Disclaimer, I'm writing about an exchange with a large twitter account because it's a prime example of the culmination of struggles in my heart right now, and she likely won't see my post. If she does, I would hope she would at least appreciate my perception of the event and that I'm willing to be honest. We have all these terms we throw around about people to justify our perceptions of them as toxic. Truth is life isn't as simple as that, and we're too complex to be the pure victim or the total perpetrator.  A couple months ago it came to my attention that there was deep tension between two acquaintances and myself. I'd known of it for a long time and didn't know what to do about it... until I realize I could just be honest, accepting, and kind.  Within two day I'd reached out to both young women and reconciled.   Something unexpected happened. They reciprocated. We forgave each other, the misunderstandings were shattered and forgotten, and we now ...

A photo my mom snapped and sent to me (I was oblivious). At first, I wasn't too thrilled ... but kinda like it now.  I do not believe in apologizing for missing posts, because I believe, for the most part, people never notice. And yet ... did any of you all notice that there was no post last Wednesday? Somehow I forgot to schedule one. And I could have easily fixed that ... but Wednesday was hectic, and I decided to just let it slide.  And so for the first time in years, there was no post.  Made me realize that it's been a while since I've done a current update. Have I even told y'all what life has been like since returning to the States? I don't think so.  Life has been strange.  At times it's been really hard.  At times it's been beyond amazing.  I said at one point that I was excited to return to the States because I loved my life so much here. Funny thing is my life hasn't returned to what it was before. I don't go to the same church anymore. I d...

Practicing splits When I first left Stuttgart , I was very nervous for many reasons. What if my next au pair family didn't work out? What if I didn't like my new class as much as I loved my old classes? Would I be able to find friends and a church so easily again? Would I even enjoy the rest of my time?  These are such silly worries, I know. But looking back, I realize I was more stressed than I let myself acknowledge. And my health was not good at all. I've never had a problem finding things to do and people to do them with. And yet the first two months in Germany really upturned my confidence for a time.  That was good, by the way. It's wonderful learning and growing, especially once the pain is gone.  I didn't even fully realize how poor my health had become until I saw this picture taken with my new German classmates. I had become very quiet and reserved, with little motivation to share with others. I told myself it was because I felt so much peace. Which wa...

Kathlyn and I admiring our robust reflections.   By the end of the previous day, Kathlyn and I had walked 34,000 steps. We were soaked and exhausted, and considered eating out—we actually found a lovely place called KartoffelLand (Potatoe Country), but it was full. We didn't want fast food, so we bought some bread, cheese, and fruit from a grocery, then ate it on her bed. Someone else had the bed I was sleeping in the night before, so I claimed another empty bunk, though I think this time it actually was number five (and if not five, it was six, and whoever should have had six was sleeping in my bed). Later some other girls came into the room and had a bit of trouble sorting out whose bunk was whose. It was fun being the observer this time around. Kathlyn and I talked to the girl a bit more, whose bed I'd slept in for an hour the night before, and had fun getting to know her. We'd originally planned to walk three hours to Bonhoeffer's house, but we were exha...