The Social Porcupine

Christian friends used to ask me, "What has God been doing in your life?"  It felt like a trick question, or a set-up for a lecture. I didn't want to answer. It wasn't meant as an accusation, many probably thought it a theologically correct cool substitute for "How are you?" I would answer, and nearly always receive disapproving comments. My friend-group and lifestyle have changed a lot. It's been over three years since somebody has asked me that question. I'm glad. And yet... I now ask myself, what is God been doing in my life? Sometimes I self-reprimand, but often I simply just don't know. Is it good that I'm happier? What does this mean? Was it wrong to leave behind all things stifling? I feel the realness of holy ground all about me, no longer sequestered to a single building. At last, I am functioning more in my giftings and callings. And still, just what is God doing in my life? What are words when I'm living them. I...

Psalm 30:11 "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness" When the music begins, when people rise to dance and worship and sing, where would you be? Would you laugh as Michal laughed, calling foolish what is delightful to God? Or would joy pull you to dance?  I've attended so many churches these last couple years. I've loved them all, if not only because of the people. It's not so much that I like interesting people, rather I find people interesting. But my heart yearns for something beyond that, beyond the intellect and bickering of denominations. Is it not what we all yearn for? To be one in our fellowship? To weary ourselves with gladness? To feel exilherated long after, fully, not tickled by the Holy Spirit's presence, but immersed in love.  When I was told that this place I visited danced, I laughed. Then I saw. "Oh." I watched the congregation rise, and I remembered M...

"All we are is dust in the wind." I don't know why this thought came to me, except that I felt I must stand against it. Even though it's from a fairly new song written by Kansas , the idea that we are nothing but dust struck me as something that must be as true and old as a proverb, perhaps even scriptural.  I asked my mother, "Is the idea that we are nothing but dust in the wind biblical?" "I think maybe." "It can't be," I said. "It is totally wrong." My mother turned to me. "Now be careful what you say." "But it can't be. God wouldn't ever say that we are worthless." And that's when I realized the full extent of why this bothered me. Surely, it wasn't in the Bible. Surely there would be no justification to the idea that we are nothing, meant for nothing, and to be nothing forevermore. God is a God of purpose, order, and beauty. Nothing, or rather, nihilism,  seems to be against His very ...

Baby of my new Au Pair family. He thinks I gave him my phone, haha! In November I went to a Freikirche German church service with my first Au Pair family. I didn't understand most of the sermon ... and yet I got the gist of it, and enough of that to be inspired to write this post. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food —Hebrews 5:12 I think most of us are familiar with both the actual life concept and the analogy that those who are young need something that grows them, and those that have grown need something that sustains them toward strength.  Often, churches talk about this without really talking about it. What is the difference between the milk and the meat? And which is that one needs for themself? And how do you know it's time to be "weaned" from the milk and to start participating in a healthy, wholesome meal that only an adul...

Mittens I knitted */*/*/*/*  Father, why did you give me hands  If you desire my life to  Be always out of my reach?  Father, why do you tell me, "Stand!  I have much for you to do."  If only to flood my beach.  Father, they say home is where the heart is. But my heart is everywhere ... or nowhere.  Father, they say this world is not my home.  But would you give Eden to a foreigner?  I don't wish to follow my heart.  Yet I do wish to find it.  Father, I yearn to find home.  If I may not control my part  Or place in life, so be it.  Take my hands, but give me Shalom.   */*/*/*/*  Some things I've learned this last month: >It's possibly to be rejoicing over one thing and grieving over another at once  >Peace can strengthen your days and stress can rule your nights, and sometimes the two can intermingle >One can be angry and grateful in the same momen...

Only a few years ago I had made a name for myself as "the girl who didn't keep Christmas" or "the girl who liked arguing about Christmas".  For that reason, I have been putting this post off for a long time, despite having promised several people that I planned to write it and having those same people ask me, "When are you going to write it?" I hate this subject so much. It's not that I hate Christmas, or even wish that the entire world would stop celebrating. I could care less. But there are many bitter memories wrapped into my confession of non-celebration. Back when I was first a Ruby Girl, when I'd previously never even had a sleepover let alone stayed away from home over without family, I found my beliefs being challenged by everyone around me, but especially by a couple boys a few years younger than me. "You don't keep Christmas?" He asked. "That's stupid. Why?" I'll admit I wa...

"Your life is defined by what you hate. Whatever you don't hate you allow, and whatever you allow you will never change" ~ Myles Munroe Immaterial things I hate: Cold Spicy food Snow Ice (even in my soda) Soda (maybe an occasional sip is all right) Unnecessary chaos Winter Dogs Freezing Dirt where it doesn't belong Lazy people Video games Trash: on the side roads, inside and outside of houses, and on people instead of decent clothes. Being cold Material things I hate: Abortion Stupid Idiots aka Selfish Idiots Cold Death Misunderstandings Men who are narcissistic jerks Women who are narcissistic jerks People are who are obsessed with cutting "toxic" people from their lives but refusing to love anyone besides themselves False philosophies (socialism, "follow your dreams", "love yourself", etc) Complacency Inaction Hate Sin While I've written many posts on loving more , I think hate isn...

The other day a lady I clean for had Dr. Phil on; and while I didn't hear all of it, the parts I did hear were quite ridiculous. A father said his young child needed a good whipping and Dr. Phil said, "A parent is meant to be a child's safe place. How do you think they feel if one moment you act loving and the next moment you beat them?"  Obviously, Dr. Phil doesn't  understand discipline at all.  Here are some questions I'd like to ask him: "We are supposed to be able to trust our government to protect us. But we know that also means they fine, imprison, and sometimes even execute us. Does that mean our government fails when they punish us?"  (It's beside the point that our government is often corrupt, and thus we do sometimes fear them. But we don't fear them because of them punishing us, but because their motives aren't backed by justice anymore.) "I trust my best friends to tell me the truth. That involves ba...

People can be really difficult. Especially when you thought they loved you and they ignore you, hurt you, or betray you. Sometimes those you once thought you loved or could love do something outright hateful or worse.  And then you are left with the realization, " This person doesn't love me." "Did they ever love me?" Truth is spoken to us through others around us. We soon realize that this person is not a friend. In fact, some will tell us they are toxic. And soon enough we will recognize this truth when our tears finally meet up with our brains. And we are left with decisions. The world is full of advice of what to do with toxic people. Pinterest is jammed full of "inspirational self-love methods". All four of these were saved from my Pinterest board.  Before I go on, I want to take a moment to talk about Toxic People.  What exactly is a toxic person??? Toxic People:  When most people talk of toxic ...

Fear, My once close-friend and ever-near companion. I let fear linger on after the lights dimmed; It chased away both my sleep and my dreams. I let fear control me in the name of caution, And it won. I trusted my fears over God's words. I let fear rule my reality. Loss, It happens to all of us. But maybe to those who fear the most? But why does it always seem unique to me? Why is my loss harder to bear? Why can't I find the breath to smile? Emotions, Empty feelings are still emotions. I've tried to kill them, to pretend I didn't feel them. But empty feelings are dark, alone, depressed. They are worse than feelings. To ignore my tears is to not find hope. It's OK to grieve. It's OK to want to scream. It's OK to heal, to learn to smile again. It's OK to cry every night; For a little while, I'll shed my tears. Healing, It happens eventually, if I'll allow it inside my heart. Healing is a choice to forgive the past; ...

I saw a post on twitter awhile back that said something all the line of, "Maybe bribing myself with the potential ability to buy a ---- will motivate me enough to keep a job." My first reaction was, really??? I'm a workaholic. I love working. I also believe in working hard. I have never had a need for more work. I have never turned down work. I have hardly even searched for work. It just . . . finds me. And I do it. From cleaning houses, to working for small businesses, to office work, to custom sewing, to babysitting. Some of it I've loved. Some of it . . . was me laboring because it was the thing to do, but I was dreaming of being done soon. But I've never had to motivate myself to work. Especially with a bribe. I am also a bit of a saver.  I love working. I hate spending money, unless it's on books, gifts, or something large I'm working toward (travel, land, etc). And any other way seems foreign to me. So, after reading this tweet and thi...