The Social Porcupine

I didn't attend a single funeral last year.  And yet I know more people that died last year than any other year. As far as I know, only one was classified "due to COVID". I was saddened to not go to the first two funerals (I was in Germany).  This post has been begging attention for quite some time. But this is a topic that is hard for me to face, though it feels ever imminent, always present.  Shirley was one of my favorite clients. Normally I would just listen as she ranted over some horrendous happening. She had her favorite stories that she liked to repeat. 'Twas fine by me as I missed a lot of what she said, and thus always garnered a new detail. Some people would have thought she was grumpy. She probably was. But I loved her. I felt I brought her happiness. Which made me happy.  On my last time cleaning, before leaving for Germany, she hugged me and said, "You're one of my best friends."  I wanted to say the same. I wondered, but would it be a lie?...

"All we are is dust in the wind." I don't know why this thought came to me, except that I felt I must stand against it. Even though it's from a fairly new song written by Kansas , the idea that we are nothing but dust struck me as something that must be as true and old as a proverb, perhaps even scriptural.  I asked my mother, "Is the idea that we are nothing but dust in the wind biblical?" "I think maybe." "It can't be," I said. "It is totally wrong." My mother turned to me. "Now be careful what you say." "But it can't be. God wouldn't ever say that we are worthless." And that's when I realized the full extent of why this bothered me. Surely, it wasn't in the Bible. Surely there would be no justification to the idea that we are nothing, meant for nothing, and to be nothing forevermore. God is a God of purpose, order, and beauty. Nothing, or rather, nihilism,  seems to be against His very ...

Uncle Amoz and me when I was first born. This spring one of my uncles died. It was very sad, and the circumstances of his death were crazy.  He was too young - it shouldn't have happened. All of us were shocked. Many were angry. Many still are. It's crazy how death makes life appear so differently. Especially when death happens to someone you know. What's even sadder... I wasn't able to go to his funeral because I was traveling and too far away to catch a ride with anyone that was going. This post, though, is not going to dwell on the circumstances of his death.  It's going to be more about him. I never liked to do favorites. I always told people it was wrong to have favorites... at the same time I had them ;) But to be fair I would try to make sure my siblings would have different favorites than I did. Such as... Me to my sisters : My favorite color  is pink. What are yours? Sisters : I don't know. Me to Jeru...

Who would think that something could make you laugh so much before tearing you to pieces, making you want to do nothing but cry? You  relate .   Grief  and  laughter  are something most can understand - but I don't know if I've ever seen any other movie capture both of these human emotions so simply perfectly. (This is not a review, but my thoughts. This entire post contains spoilers and references that may not make sense if you have not seen the movie.) Life is full of confusion – and often time it feels that it shouldn't be so – that the confusion is caused by mere stupidity . Grief is strange. It is wrong. It can never get better - you may learn to become numb. But that is all.  It holds a power over us. One who grieves can not just decided to be happy. They can want it so bad – but how do you smile when the world feels like a dark hole sinking into nothingness while not even letting you have the pea...

Life. It's one of those weird things I still haven't figured out, but hope to make totally clear to you by the end of this post. Or maybe just my life. In that case you might not learn anything at all about life in general - except sleep, and maybe death. I mean, parts of it (life) are starting to make sense. Like sleep for example. Why was it when I was little I dreaded sleep? And when I got older I started to love it, but still avoided it? And now, why is it that it seems I live for the time I can sleep? The thing I use to hate and avoid I now strive for. Why is that? My answer is simple. The reason children hate sleep is because they just "woke" up and are very confused. They do not know if this place called Earth is really Heaven or just something very much like it. And since it (life) is so good why sleep? As you get slightly older life is still "heaven" but you have also learned to appreciate resting and sleep - yet avo...