If you're a writer, you probably shouldn't read this. I will be speaking a lot of truth swaddled in satire. I will be telling you what you shouldn't be listening to as I tell you that you shouldn't be listening to anything. I humbly tell you now that I shall make a hypocrite of myself to save you from being a foolish beta reader (because, if we're all honest, knowing all the cool writing rules doesn't make you a better writer but a terribly annoying beta reader). Show Don't Tell For all of eternity writers were paid to disobey this rule. And then we started cranking out cheap slave labor novels for Walmart shelves and suddenly everything had to be "show-don't-tell". Well, let me tell you something. I will never work in a factory for a dollar a week and I have no desire to be the next harlequin mass paperback author. I am a storyteller, not a story-shower. "But," you say. "It's always better to see the wedding t...