My mind is so full right now.
My life is so busy.
I feel overwhelmed by nothing in particular and everything at once.
Yet I can't stop from doing. From not sleeping.
Exhaustion is my addiction.
To rest is not an option. Or so it seems.
And I keep looking for more… more?
More of what?
Why do I crave chaos? Why do I laugh in my stress? Why can't I cry, even though my eyes are heavy?
Life and all it's mysteries.
Right now they make too much sense, yet are even more distant than ever before.
I keep feeling like I am not doing enough.
I need to make every breath count.
But is just breathing enough? Must I constantly gasp for air? Is it okay to just live every now and then?
My life is crazy. Yet I love it.
My mind yearns to stretch out more. Every muscle in me, physical and mental, demand to hurt every second.
And then I see color.
Life stops - no pauses - for a second. I breath in the warm sunshine.
Now that was a breath worth taking.
I smile. I see someone, and smile bigger. They, too, smile.
That was something worth doing.
I suddenly can fall down, and do nothing. I am not laughing in stress. I am not reaching out to do. I am just sitting, thinking.
And then the tears can fall.
This is what my life needs. This is what makes the rest possible – these small moments of peaceful tears.
This doesn't really mean anything. I just sat down (tired) one night a couple months ago and wrote this. My mind does that sometimes when I can't sleep but should - comes up with weirdness that could almost be on the verge of soul-beautiful.
I hope you enjoy this just a little ;)