Red Ink and Wooden Spoons

The other day a lady I clean for had Dr. Phil on; and while I didn't hear all of it, the parts I did hear were quite ridiculous. A father said his young child needed a good whipping and Dr. Phil said, "A parent is meant to be a child's safe place. How do you think they feel if one moment you act loving and the next moment you beat them?" 

Obviously, Dr. Phil doesn't understand discipline at all. 

Here are some questions I'd like to ask him:

"We are supposed to be able to trust our government to protect us. But we know that also means they fine, imprison, and sometimes even execute us. Does that mean our government fails when they punish us?" 

(It's beside the point that our government is often corrupt, and thus we do sometimes fear them. But we don't fear them because of them punishing us, but because their motives aren't backed by justice anymore.)

"I trust my best friends to tell me the truth. That involves bad things. Does this mean I hate my friends when they tell me something I don't want to hear?"

"When I ask beta readers to read my stories I expect them to tell me all the things that don't work in my story (hoping of course, that they tell me more good than bad). Yes, it's not a fun process. But is all that red ink bad for me or my writing?" 

Discipline is hard, whether it's self-inflicted or from others. But, those of us that enjoy learning and growing, will acknowledge the necessity of it. Even when it involves extreme pain.

I've noticed a fear among a lot of mothers to discipline their children. "I want my kid to like me, not hate me."

Now, it's only natural that you want to be loved, not hated. But that should not be your prerogative right now. You are not a failure for being hated. Your job is to raise a child that can survive in the world. Yes, you must raise your child, but you must also teach him. 

Your child might act like they hate you for a time ... but that doesn't mean you are doing wrong. The main point shouldn't be "Will I be hated" but "Why am I being hated?"

Yes, we should evaluate ourselves if we are hated. Being hated isn't a sign of righteousness. But neither is it a sign of failure. 

Even God is hated. He disciplines those who He loves (Hebrews 12:6). But some will harden their hearts against His discipline as a result. Does that mean God is evil for punishing us? No, it means that we can either choose to learn and grow, or we can choose to feel "victimized". 

People fear being hated way too much. But we are told in Luke 6:22, "Blessed are you when men hate you, And when they exclude you, And revile you, and cast out your name as evil, For the Son of Man's sake."

Just make sure you're being hated for the correct reason ;) 

As a child, I hated my mother's wooden spoon, but that doesn't affect how I see my mom now. In fact, I believe being punished as a child helped me develop my own personal healthy balance of self-discipline to be able to follow my dreams and hold down a job all at once. 

As a writer, I dread seeing my words bleed red when others critique them. But that doesn't mean I hide from beta readers ... I seek to grow and learn. 

Pain isn't something we love, but that doesn't mean discipline is wrong. And in some sort of way, despite all of Dr. Phil's supposed psychological/ philosophical training, he doesn't understand that being given complete reins where we should receive consequences doesn't result in a happier person, but a lesser, spoiled, incompetent brat. 

Just look at the world around us, full of wallowing idiots. Success is no longer about bettering yourself but finding "happiness". 

How previous generations would laugh at us if they could see us. 

"Just give that kid a good beating and then assign him some chores," they'd say about the majority of thirty-year-olds. 

"There's no difference between a spanking and a beating," one person once told me. 

It's because of beliefs like this that adults embrace procrastination as some huge joke. Even with consequences, many adults can't seem to see that their actions have repercussions. And why is depression at its highest, people wonder? 

Don't drain our red ink and burn our wooden spoons, Dr. Phil. 

We need them, just as much as we need to be loved and to love. Don't be afraid to love with justice and truth. Don't be afraid to be hated, if what you are doing is right by God and others. 

What are your thoughts on this matter? Have you ever seen Dr. Phil?