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Sometimes I Wonder, Why Are We Friends?

Alexa, Camille, Cherish, Clara, Elisabeth (Lizzy), Elizabeth V., Esther, Jessi, Laura, Lauren, Mary, Rashida, Rilly (GB), Shelby.
(And all of the other amazing friends of mine.)

Most of these girls have been friends of mine for over five years. Some of you have been friends of mine for half of my life. A couple of you I've only known a year or so.

They say you can't be best friends with everyone. 
I say that's only because it's impossible for me to meet everyone. 

They say there's not enough of me to go around for everyone. 
I say that God didn't give us limits when He told us to love the world. 

But even so ... I'm lucky to call many my best friend, this I know.

And even so, I wonder. Why are we such good friends?

Sometimes I wonder, 
Why you and I? 
What brought us together?
Why are we friends? 
And why hasn't our friendship ended?

Because some of my friendships have ended. 

Why are we friends?
Is it you or I? 
Or God who knew that 
We should be friends? 

We joke and laugh and say
"Despite our differences
we like the other one."

But that's not why we're friends. 

If we're honest, it's more
Our similarities 
that made us bond
And let us bear

Our differences
Our disagreements
Our preferences
Our annoyments

You are my friend
Because together we 
Grow and rise
Toward every good and horrible bend.

When we first met
—at church or party
through letter or media
or by some wondrous accident—
We saw something similar 
that whispered in our heart
"I want her for a best friend!"

We bonded through shared experience,
Though trials blew
We remained friends that never flew
Away nor said, "No more!"

We bonded by caring
By knowing, 
By growing
And showing
That we really had enough in common to remain friends

Sometimes it's easier 
To see how different 
You and I appear
But that's not
What makes 
Us friends.

Even so, there are many who like what I do,
Who've seen the same pain I have,
Who by all appearances
Live the life I live. 
So why aren't they my friend? 

Is it perhaps that differences don't define?
That similarities aren't enough to align?

So why are we friends?

You are my friend
Because we chose to see
The good more
that not to the very end.

You are my friend, 
Because over every time and mile
That we fought and trialed
We chose to share 
Our tears and laughter.

You are my friend:
Because you are loyal
Because you are loving
Because you hear
Because you love the truth
Because of God. 

I was recently convicted to stop saying things like:
"We are best friends despite our differences."
"We are best friends though we have little in common."
"We are best friends even though we've had rocky patches."
"We are best friends even though I don't understand why." 

Because our differences didn't define us when we first tried to be friends. So why should it define our friendship now? Whenever the differences become the center of the topic, it's all you can see. 

And it's hard for relationships of any sort to thrive when what separates us becomes more important than what connects us. 

Even so ... I realized it wasn't really what we had in common that made me friends with these wonderful people. Truth be told, we don't always have a lot in common. More truth be told, there are many people I can hardly stand even though I have a ton more in common with them than many of my friends.

So why were these girls my friends?

And I realized, it's because we chose to focus on what we did have in common, and that we had a desire to work out a friendship that would last. Obstacles in the future weren't our focus, but a wholesome friendship. 

And now that we have this friendship ... I want to fight for it. NOT focus on things that used to not matter to me once upon a beginning. 

One of my dreams is to get a picture with all of my friends. Most of them have never met, and live so far from each other. 
But ... 

Someday I will get this picture with all of you with me! 
Thanks for being my friends. 

What makes one best friend material, in your mind?

New blog schedule change: I have so much content to share while I'm in Germany, that I'm going to start posting Wednesdays and Saturdays. I don't know if this will be a regular blog change, or just while I'm in Germany. Enjoy while it lasts! 


  1. Very good thoughts and so true! I am blessed to be one of your best friends ��

  2. Lovey post! :)

  3. I find that most of my friends are the opposite of me in lots of ways, and for some reason it makes it easier to be friends.

    1. Yeah, when we're opposite we have things to talk about and think about and be fascinated about ;) Whether in friendship, or marriage, it's good to have a few things that one DOESN'T have in common for sure ;D

  4. J+M+J
    Indeed, well said. Though, I must say: the ultimate commonality, which allows for any friendship with anyone, is the character of man itself. For the whole of mankind is conjoined into one commonality: the image of God, which each of us is created in. Really you can be friends with anyone, even though they are completely different, simply because of this... though I don't deny commonalities generally make it easier (by a lot).
    Here's my ultimate opinion though, through the voice of a character:
    "...A good friend is willing to risk his life to save yours. But you will know if a friend is really a true friend when he is willing to risk his life to save your soul."
    That really sums up the purpose of any relationship on earth... for what else are we here for but to serve and glorify God, and to help others in the quest to do the same to some extent? We are called to love even our enemies... and if love is to put the ultimate needs of others first and to serve them, and the ultimate needs of others is to grown closer to and be one with God, and the purpose of friendship is to do exactly that, does that not indicate we should be friends (at least in spirit and in prayer) to even our enemies and those who have betrayed us?
    So saying, the best friend, is the friend who tries wholeheartedly and selflessly to do so.

    The Doorman.

    1. Yes, I completely agree.
      Though I feel like I'd sacrifice for just about anyone (some people who I dislike would be a bit harder, for sure).
      But I think the friends that make my best friends are the ones that I feel would also sacrifice for me. Which again, I know many people who /would/ do that for me, but we're still not super close. So I guess it's those that sacrifice + spend time bonding together that make best friends that last ;)

  5. Aww, what a sweet and thought-provoking post! Friends are the family we choose for ourselves they say. <3

  6. I like this post. I've thought about this often.
    I do think, in general, though my best friends are often seemingly very different from me (that is, talkative or outgoing or super into football or super NOT into the outdoors or into totally different types of music, etc), once you get past the more superficial things we're actually quite similar. Like, we won't necessarily believe the same things, but we have similar methods of arriving at our beliefs and love to discuss it with each other. We won't necessarily have identical taste in books, but we do think about stories the same way and like discussing that. And we almost always have similar senses of humor.

    In trying to define love in a general sense, I once decided that it was basically a recognition of a person's intrinsic value. Which is why you can love people you don't like, and why it's worth it to stick to your commitments and work through hard times in relationships even when you're not feeling "in love." I think people's souls are intrinsically and infinitely valuable, and maybe if we're similar on a soul-level with someone, it's easier for us to SEE that in their particular case. And once you've seen that, it's hard NOT to want to be friends with them.

    And then, of course, it's mutual. Because I wouldn't say you're good friends with someone unless you also trust them. (But then I don't know, because I try to be and hope I am trustworthy to WHOMEVER puts their trust in me, whether we're friends or not. But maybe when you know you can both trust each other, as well as enjoy each other's company? I don't know. My thoughts are all muddled on this, haha. But it's quite a fascinating topic.)

    1. Wow I love how your thoughts went so deep on this. But so true, with everything you said. Which is why I think in the perfect world we could and should be best friends with EVERYONE ;)

  7. This is such a sweet post, and I LOVE the point you make, Keturah! We should love our differences, not complain about them. Thank you for this <3333

    1. It's definitely hard to love all our differences, but yes. Friendships should be more about what we have in common and how to grow through those differences for sure, rather than being stuck in them. Thanks!!


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