In Which I Decimate Three Horrible Songs

Dear Mr. President by Pink

The song lyrics are in italics, and my comments are in bold font. This is a song written to George W. Bush, but people are starting to say it relates to Trump too. I don't really care who the song is about. Even if it were about James Madison or Barack Obama I'd be saying all the following: this song is stupid. 

Dear Mr. President 

Come take a walk with me 

Let's pretend we're just two people and 

You're not better than me 

Ahhh. Please. The president isn't some god or king. What a cringy way to start out an otherwise completely cringy song. 

I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly 

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street? 

Hmm. What do you feel? You do know that the president isn't responsible for people's life choices any more than you are. And, yes, some people choose to be homeless. Yes, this doesn't negate the fact that God told us to love and feed and help the homeless. But ... the President isn't God and he can't make homelessness go away. And what are you doing, anyway? 

Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep? 

I doubt he prays for the continuance of homelessness. But wait ... are you telling me that you pray? I'm literally shocked. 

What do you feel when you look in the mirror? Are you proud? 

Probably. Most men are proud when they see themselves, even if they think their reflection is ugly. So what? 

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry? 

I'm not crying. And neither are you. You're singing a pathetic song. Again. He's not God. He should be allowed to sleep. And even if he couldn't sleep ... how could he wipe away your tears? Oh, yeah. By taking away honest people's money (like mine) and giving it to other people. 

How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye? 

A political comment either to the Iraq war or NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND act. Either way, it's a stupid line. 

How do you walk with your head held high? 

Can you even look me in the eye And tell me why? 

I'm sure he can look you in the eye and tell you why. And he'd probably tell you why in a dignified manner as you yelled over his words, cussing him out. 

Dear Mr. President 

Were you a lonely boy? 

Wow. This is just so stupid. Are you trying to feel sorry for him? This whole bit makes me like, "Ok, then. Let the song be over already."

(Are you a lonely boy?) 

Are you a lonely boy? 

(Are you a lonely boy?) 

How can you say 

No child is left behind? 

Ok, this is talking about an act reauthorized in some schools, the goal so that no children would be left behind educational, and all including disabled children could be taught as individually needed. I do agree that the public school system isn't the best. But my solution is homeschooling, not blaming it on the president. 

We're not dumb, and we're not blind 

I'm actually starting to think you're dumb. Sorry. 

They're all sitting in your cells 

Like school room cells? Because that's actually the first good line you gave us so far ... but I have the feeling you mean something else. 

While you pave the road to hell 

Well, at least the road is paved. 

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away? 

I don't think he actually took away any rights from his daughter ... 

And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay? 

Again, I don't think he took away any rights. But standing against homosexuality even if your child happened to be gay doesn't mean that you're doing that to your child, but it means that you are standing by your beliefs and not being swayed by blood. 

I can only imagine what the first lady has to say 

I think she approves of her husband. So I don't know what you mean here. 

You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine 

This is a testimony to his growth, not an insult. 

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry? 

How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye? 

How do you walk with your head held high? 

Can you even look me in the eye? 

Already addressed this nonsense.

Let me tell you 'bout hard work 

This is when I started laughing out loud. 

Minimum wage with a baby on the way 

And how was this baby made? Where is the father? I bet it's not the president's child. 

Let me tell you 'bout hard work 

Honestly, I doubt you've ever worked a day in your life.

Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away 

You were bombed? Or do you mean like cockroach bombed ... 

Let me tell you 'bout hard work 

Seriously. 

Building a bed out of a cardboard box 

I remember those days as a child, when I had a real bed, but that box just looked so much nicer ... 

Let me tell you 'bout hard work 

Hard work 

Hard work 

I laughed hard. 

You don't know nothing 'bout hard work 

Hard work 

Hard work 

Still laughing. Saying hard work over and over doesn't mean you know anything about it. 

Oh How do you sleep at night? 

Probably with a pillow on a real bed. 

How do you walk with your head held high? 

Because he knows he hasn't written such a senseless song. 

Dear Mr. President 

You'd never take a walk with me 

Would you?

Dear Pink, would you walk with him, or would you attack him with your hands and lips? 

What if God Was One Of Us by Joan Osborne

Several years ago I bought a bunch of "Christian" CDs and this song was on one of the disks. I'd always meant to make one of my first blog posts about how terrible this song was. Here we are nearly 400 posts later, and I'm finally talking about it. I actually heard this song a lot while in Germany on the radio, and so that's how I was reminded. 

If God had a name what would it be? 

People disagree on the spelling, but the general consensus is Yahweh. 

And would you call it to his face? 

The Jews believe it would be disrespectful, and I'm half-way inclined to agree. We'd probably call Him Father, Lord, or Master. Some pray to Him as Abba. 

If you were faced with Him in all His glory 

So you've acknowledged his Glory ... which makes it all the harder to believe that you're about to say what you sang. 

What would you ask if you had just one question? 

Of course, I want to ask Him about all the "unanswered" stories in the Bible. Such as, what happened to the ark of the covenant? And why don't we have more about the Biblical Keturah? 

What would you ask Him, Osborne? 

And yeah, yeah, God is great 

Yeah, yeah, God is good 

And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

Why am I hearing one huge but ... 

What if God was one of us? 

He wouldn't be God, Osborne. Unless you're referring to when Yeshua became man. 

Just a slob like one of us 

Let's just assume you're speaking of Yeshua. When He was man He was NOT a slob. What happened to all that Glory talk? 

Just a stranger on the bus 

He was a stranger. And we know how people treated Him. 

Tryin' to make his way home? 

He wasn't trying to make His way home, but make a way for us to get home. 

If God had a face what would it look like?

Glory and love.  

And would you want to see if, seeing meant 

That you would have to believe in things like heaven 

I think the Bible is very clear that we all think we'd want to see His face until confronted with His Glory. Until Yeshua. And then we saw His face and still many refused to believe in Heaven. 

And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets? 

Oh ... maybe you weren't speaking of Yeshua after all ... but how does seeing God's face make one believe in the saints and prophets? Actually, many believe in those and not God. 

And yeah, yeah, God is great Yeah, yeah, 

God is good And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

What if God was one of us? 

Just a slob like one of us 

Just a stranger on the bus 

Tryin' to make his way home?

This is just incredulously melodramatic. 

Just tryin' to make his way home 

Like back up to heaven all alone 

He's certainly not alone in Heaven. 

Nobody callin' on the phone '

It is sad that many don't "call on" Him. This could be a good line if it wasn't squashed in such a song. 

Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome 

No disrespect to my Catholic friends, but I doubt the Pope is on such good terms with God these days. 

And yeah, yeah, God is great 

Yeah, yeah, God is good And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah 

What if God was one of us? 

Just a slob like one of us 

This line, along with the line "If God Had A Name" are the reasons I hate this song. 

Just a stranger on the bus 

Tryin' to make his way home? 

Just tryin' to make his way home 

Like a holy rolling stone 

Uhhh my ears and my eyes and everything. 

Back up to heaven all alone 

Just tryin' to make his way home 

Nobody callin' on the phone 

'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

In Germany, they say, "Es gibt keine dummen Fragen" (there are no dumb questions). But I think this song proved that proverb false. 

Can We Pretend by Pink

I heard this song on the radio and hated it mostly because I thought it said "can we both pretend we hate the president". And I was like, "Why?" Every time I hear it, I still hear the word hate. But it turns out she actually says like. Also, who'd know that two songs I greatly dislike would turn out to both be sung by the same lady? 

I remember conversations 

We were dancing up on tables 

Conversations on tables? Or did you have a conversation about dancing on the table? 

Taking pictures when we had nowhere to post 

Pictures aren't for posting, but remembering. 

You were laughin', 

I was cryin' 

Well that doesn't sound like a happy relationship. Or healthy, either. 

We were dancin', we were dyin'

Yeah, definitely not healthy. 

Sometimes I don't know how we walked away 

Then why are you looking back? 

If I'm honest, what I liked 

Were the things we didn't know 

So you liked being ignorant? 

Every morning, every night I'd be beating down your door 

And you're bragging about being a toddler? 

Just to tell you what I'm thinking 

Because you had no way to text him your thoughts? 

But you already know Screw this, I don't wanna let it go 

I don't get this. But then, you did confess stupidity earlier. 

So can we pretend that I'm 22 today? 

Dancin' on the tables with you, 

Umm ... don't you mean two? 

oh yeah 

Thanks for confirming. 

Can we pretend that we all end up okay? 

Why not choose to get your act together and not wish to go back to whatever it is that turned you out into something "not okay"?

I just wanna forget with you, oh yeah 

Forget what happened by reliving it? 

Can we pretend that we both like the president? 

Are you obsessed with hating the president? 

Can we pretend that I really like your shoes? 

I'm so glad that you consider liking the president and you bf's shoes as of equal importance. 

Hell yeah Can we pretend?

Honey, Hell is too hot for pretending. 

'Cause honestly, reality, it bores me 

Wow, reality bores you? So ... maybe get a life and stop ... 

Let's pretend, oh, let's make believe 

... pretending. Seriously. Reality is what you make it to be, not how you drown and dance it away. 

Can we, can we pretend? 

Can we pretend? 

You really like repeating words, don't you? 

I remember what we wanted 

What did you want? 

What we'd never take for granted 

What would you never take for granted? The serious moment is lost on me amidst all the garbage. 

How our daddy issues took us to LA 

Well, if that isn't a lame excuse for goals. 

If I'm honest, what I miss 

Is not knowin' what to say 

Ah, what a sweet moment. #OrCouldHaveBeen

And the feeling of your lips 

And it haunts me every day 

Well, that's a sad kiss. 

When you'd tell me what you're thinking 

But I'd already know Screw this, 

I don't wanna let it go 

Oh yeah So can we pretend that I'm 22 today?

Correction: two years old

 Dancin' on the tables with you, oh yeah 

Further clarification: definitely two years old. 

Can we pretend that we all end up okay? 

Your choices are still not over. 

I just wanna forget with you, oh yeah 

Forget by reliving? I don't get this. 

Can we pretend that we both like the way it is? 

Hell yeah Can we pretend that we like these fake-ass dudes? 

Oh yeah Can we pretend? 

'Cause honestly, reality, it bores me

Boredom is not something to brag about: reality is your responsibility. 

 Let's pretend, oh, let's make believe 

Grow up. 

Can we, can we pretend? 

Grow up

Can we pretend? 

Grow up

If I'm honest, what I liked 

Were the things we didn't know 

And get an education. 

Every morning, every night I'd be beating down your door 

And learn some manners. 

Just to tell you what I'm thinking 

But you'd already know 

Screw this, I don't wanna let it go 

So can we pretend that we both like the president? 

And stop singing about the president. 

Can we pretend that you like my fake-ass shoes? 

And start caring about things that actually matter. 

Oh yeah Can we pretend? 

If you seriously want to be two again, sure. 

'Cause honestly reality, it bores me 

Let's pretend, oh, let's make believe 

Can we, can we pretend? Can we pretend? 

Oh, can we pretend? Can we? Let's make believe 

Can we (Can we) Can we pretend? 

'Cause honestly, reality, it bores me Let's pretend, oh, let's make believe

Can we, can we pretend? Honestly

Honestly, it's too much hard work to think of pretending to live in your world. 

Bonus: One song I like, but would probably hate if I actually listened to the lyrics

What songs do you can you not stand? 

Are there any songs you probably should hate, but love anyway? What do you think of what I did with these songs? Would you like to see more posts like this?