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I Saw the Light (Gaslit)

*Disclaimer, I'm writing about an exchange with a large twitter account because it's a prime example of the culmination of struggles in my heart right now, and she likely won't see my post. If she does, I would hope she would at least appreciate my perception of the event and that I'm willing to be honest.

We have all these terms we throw around about people to justify our perceptions of them as toxic. Truth is life isn't as simple as that, and we're too complex to be the pure victim or the total perpetrator. 

A couple months ago it came to my attention that there was deep tension between two acquaintances and myself. I'd known of it for a long time and didn't know what to do about it... until I realize I could just be honest, accepting, and kind. 

Within two day I'd reached out to both young women and reconciled. 

 Something unexpected happened. They reciprocated. We forgave each other, the misunderstandings were shattered and forgotten, and we now trust and like each other. I now have so much hope for so many other relationships. 

Audrey Horne is something of an iconic e-girl, except she is actually likeable. Her viral tweet really captures the nature of her Twitter presence: I post a lot and it doesn't have to make sense to you, leave me alone.

A lot of women from all walks of life feel seen by her tweets. Sometimes I feel envious of how well she says the things I want to say. Her account could be my account. I'm sure many women feel that way about what she posts, though it seems she has mostly a male audience.

Right now, I'm pretty focused on my school, so the nature of my own tweets is the summer program. This is twitter. We all spill our guts shamelessly everywhere. And most people appreciate it. 

But... one morning....
I kinda freaked out to be honest. I hate being made to feel guilty for just doing what everyone else does on Twitter. Especially by this woman with a pinned, viral tweet about posting too much. Of course, I'd also just decided in the rest of my life that I wasn't going to accept any passive aggressive attacks anymore, and that I wouldn't allow myself to be gaslit again. 

A test??? 
Honestly, I was mildly panicked through this whole exchange, feeling crazy and horrid the whole time. But I just reminded myself: focus on the Light, not the gaslighting. Focus on God's light and on her light. She is human, too, and annoyed, and that's ok.

And so, I tried to listen, and to then remain true to both her feelings and to mine.

My first principle: never block, everyone is my neighbor. 

My second principle: Truth heals, be honest but do not be rude. Kindness bridges misunderstandings.

Situations like that don't usually end with the other person following you. Often, they block you or troll you to all their friends and make you want to delete twitter and hide your head.

This is a unique exchange, purely because of it's happy ending. And I can't really tell you why this ended well except... perhaps God knew I needed to pass a small test as hope and strength for an upcoming, larger trial. 

Awhile later I stalked her twitter and found I'd inspired a volley of negative and positive tweets (except we all know it had nothing to do with me, because she is a real human with a life outside of twitter).

Once again, I have reconciled with another woman, and we respect and trust each other a little more. This is what we should be doing as women. There is too much envy and disdain amongst us. It hurts us, our friendships with each other, and our relationships with men. It's odd, but the more I love my fellow woman the healthier my relationships with men become. I believe it's because competition is eradicated from romance and it's properly sweet and nourishing. 

Share with me! How do you handle situations like this? 


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