Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Love at First Sight: A Myth

This is going to be a strange post. And honestly, I'm not sure why I'm sharing these ideas of mine with the world - besides the partial fact, that I think they are very important. And a couple of my friends said I should πŸ˜€Some of these friends are married... and agree with my points. So, I'd have to say that's something ;) 

I'm just hoping what I say all makes sense when I put it down into words. Lol. Enjoy a new *unique* thought ;)

I love fairy tales. They are some of the best stories ever. But some of the ideas in modern fairy tales are sort of twisted up.

 Love at first sight. 
Finding your one and only match. 
Love makes all good, and lasts forever. 
And once you have had that first kiss you shall live forever and ever, happily ever after.

Now, I'm not trying to depress you, but love at first sight is silly and unreal. It doesn't happen. One can argue for infatuation at first sight. That I'll go for. But not love.


First off, we need to understand what love really is.

Love isn't this magical thing that makes two people have to be together forever.

Love is the outcome of doing. Love can be performed to people we don't know or even like. Because love is giving, even when there's no receiving involved.

Some things about true love:

It is sacrificial.
It is unselfish.
It isn't ruled by feelings.
It is stronger than passion.
It is rational.
It always does what is right for the other person.
It affects more than just a couple individuals.

So, on that note, can you see why I don't think it's possible to find true love at first sight?

Not that I don't think people can't say, "Yeah, that's the person I'll end up marrying" and that it won't happen.

Many people have done it, and were married.

But many people have also said that, and then the feelings passed, and they didn't marry that person they were certain they would. So, the rare example of it happening isn't a proof for love at first sight.

And I would still argue that the person saying those words wasn't actually in love. 

Why? (I love this word... it leads to much intellectualism)

Because it was just infatuation. Not love. There was nothing real there. Nothing to make them stay committed.

100% attraction and infatuation. Nothing more.

The misconception of love and infatuation, I believe is the cause of so many divorces and unhappy marriages. Two people who are "clearly in love" marry. But then the passion fades. Life hits

And oh, my, what happened to that feeling of love?

"I must have married the wrong person!?"

Which brings up my next point.

There isn't a right person for you. 
(I'm just a mean person today ;D)

If there was just one perfect match for every one, then of course divorce would be more excusable.

But there isn't.

Also, if there were just one person meant for each individual, marriage after the death of a spouse would be very wrong.

Magic couples, meant to be together forever just isn't a thing.

If so, why are there so many unmarried(singles)? Did God just decided not to make them someone special?

No. Marriage is a higher thing than just "It's all about you and me."

Marriage has a purpose. It's about two people coming together to honor God and each other, and raising a family *to take over the world for God*. HAHA. Disregard that last part, if you like. πŸ˜‰

It wasn't until recently that culture has changed the true meaning of love, marriage, and such.

Just look at history. It is full of women being "forced" or sold into marriages, arranged marriages, betrothals, and matchmaking.

And despite what our media tries to say, I think most of those girls (and definitely, guys ;b) were happy with their practices. It was what they were accustomed to. It was their life. They expected to not choose their partner. 

And most were happy.

Few girls felt like they were prisoners trapped in a life they had no control over. (I don't care what fiction tries to depict, they didn't). Most wanted this life that their culture held up as the ideal.

In fact, in Bloody Mary of England(1500's) begged her father(King Henry, the VIII) to arrange a marriage for her.

Anna Komnene( Byzantine princess, historian, 1083-1153) grew up always expecting an arranged marriage of some sort. And when she did marry she had a very (too) successful marriage.

If love is what should initiate the thing, if there are only two people meant for each other, how did so many people survive before it was acceptable to find your own spouse?

*let me just add that I'm not for my parents arranging a marriage for me. I'm too caught up in this culture to just go for that, lol. I'm just addressing the mindset - not the formula.*

The thing is mindset.

It's all about that.

They weren't looking for the one, they just wanted some one.

They knew what their expected roles in marriage were, and most people had the sense to follow them.

They understood marriage had a purpose, and embraced that purpose.

I mean, I'm sure people still had to deal with sin, but the difference is most people actually dealt with their problems - or just lived with them.

And so, can you see why I don't believe in love at first sight, or finding the one?

I'm sure this is all strange... but honestly, in this day and age, could things get stranger? Lol.

I'd also like to share this quote that my married friend, Esther, believes captures the idea of love extremely well:

Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...
Frank Beardsley: I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.
Helen North: What are you two talking about?
Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.
Helen North: Not now!
Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.
[to Colleen]
Frank Beardsley: It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.
[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]
Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?
Helen North: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.
Frank Beardsley: If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it's going to be explained right here!

If you think about it, the ideas expressed in this quote are quite unique. And the movie is very cute, too :)  Though this post wasn't meant to review a movie, lol! 

We need to think about some of these things and apply them to our thought lives... we need to influence our minds towards thinking about things in perspective. Because, believe it or not, these are some very important aspects in all of our lives today.


  1. I disagree. I believe that you can fall in love at first sight. A real, true, pure love. Yes I agree that a lot of the "love at first sight" is infatuation, but I believe that "love at first sight" is real even though a lot of the time infatuation is mistaken for it.

    And I disagree again. I also believe that God does have the "right" person picked out for you. And no, I don't think that if you marry that person, and then they die, that they were the only "right" person for you. They were the right person AT THAT TIME. And God can then bring along another person who is "right" for you at this time.

    And no, these beliefs don't come from all the "happily ever after" romance novels and movies that I read/watch.

    1. I won't try to debate πŸ˜€πŸ˜€ I've presented my points, and you yours. We'll leave it at that ☺️πŸ™ƒ☺️ Except to say that I still think I'm right, dear friend πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    2. To each his own!! Or her own in this case!!

    3. I'm going to amend what I said about "love at first sight" slightly. I believe that the sparks of true love can ignite at first sight.

  2. Thanks for this post, Keturah! It was really interesting! I would agree with you on love at first sight. There might be an initial attraction or admiration, but real love takes time, and is a choice. And about the "right" person... I do think that there isn't just one person out there for us, that we have to somehow find or else ruin God's plan. If a man and woman love God, and want to serve Him together and "take over the world for God" ( I liked that :) ) then thats what really matters. And when they enter that marriage, to remain faithful, even when it's not easy. Not that I have much experience on this subject... :) I'll have to check out that movie!

    1. Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it... yes, isn't the idea of "taking over the world" epic? Haha! I don't think you need to have much experience to have a healthy mindset in this area of life - though I hope you get the chance to have that "experience" soon ;b

      And yes, that movie is sooooo good! You'd love it :)

  3. Thank you for this thought provoking post. I met my husband 48 years ago when I was 19. We have been married for 46 years. Until reading your remarks, I always said I experienced love at first sight. Perhaps that is a misnomer and I will say I experienced "knowing at first sight". When I met him I felt peaceful and comfortable. These are "feelings" I know but I still have that sense that he is as essential to me as I know I am to him. I wasn't infatuated but drawn to try and find out who this young man was and what made him so uniquely important to me. I never once even thought about a "relationship" with him but more a knowing that he was going to factor into my life somehow. I do agree however that one may have many loves and I think it would be possible for me to "love " another. However I could not even entertain that thought while I am married to someone that God placed in my path. Call me naive or smitten or but it is possible to love someone for your lifetime. As I've told my children "love starts when the "butterflies" disappear and sheer determination and commitment takes over". I also agree it is all the things you list in your blog. Thank you again. Shirley

    1. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts! I do think it is true what you say, that sometimes one can meet another and for reasons feel drawn to that person beyond love or infatuation. It is, after all, how God wired us ;) And it's so neat to hear that your marriage has lasted so long, and so good!!! That in itself is a rarity these days :)

  4. Same. I don't believe in Love at First Sight as well. But the soulmate thing... I'm not sure about whether it's real or not.

    And arranged marriages are definitely not so good, either. Man, when my aunt wasn't my aunt (and hadn't met my uncle) she planned to arrange a marriage with me and her son (I know this because she told my mum and my mum told me). Heck, no! He isn't a terrible person, he's really nice and godly but I'm so glad that I didn't like him because his mum ended up marrying my uncle. Also, I don't think I would've been attracted to him if she didn't marry my uncle. I'm super picky (almost too picky) not about looks (though I like nice eyes and a smile at least) but about personality. I feel that I would have to have TONS in common with a guy before befriending him, much less dating him. Okay, maybe not tons but a good amount of things.

    Sorry for the blabbering but that's that.

    1. Haha!!! I wasn't trying to promote arranged marriages!!! I would never want to be forced into one myself... I was just trying to point out that the ideas and cultures behind things make a difference... and that it's in our mindset quite a lot! Also, I think we should be open to what ever may be God's will... and His will may sometimes involve something we don't quite like at first (partial arranged marriage ;b)

      But as we have the choice these days, for the most part, we should most certainly be wise!! Character is ultimate. It's after all about raising a family for God ;) But nothing wrong with nice eyes or smiles are good things, all created by God for the purpose of drawing us to each other ;D

    2. No, I didn't think you were trying to promote arranged marriages. Sorry if it seemed like that.

    3. Oh, no you are fine! I just wanted to make it clear on my side just in case ;)

  5. When we hear arranged marriage, we get a vision of beautiful young lady being forced to marry an ogre.

    "Arranged" marriages have happened from within in our small home based church of 150 people, 5 locations and 3 states. These "arranged marriages" are between young people that grew up together with same values and commitment to Christ.

    These young people have grown to be great servants of Christ and will raising the next generation of servant based Christians.

    God is good!

    Your dad John is a ROCK STAR, I have come to know of him through the trials in Oregon. My mother regularly traveled from Washington to Oregon with my little brother Corey for trial. I believe you or your siblings visited with them.

    Anyways, God is good, keep your eyes up and pray regularly for your future LOVE!

    Be encouraged, we raised 3 virgin daughters, two of which are now married. Keep up the thoughtful blogs and good thinlinh.

    1. Isn't funny how ideas and concepts become stereotyped in our minds!? Thanks for reading!!! That's awesome! And, thanks πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜€


    *ahem* Sorry for the passionate response. This is just something that I feel really strongly about and like no one wants to talk about. :p But yeah, I agree. Real love at first sight isn't possible, because love is an action, a choice. It might be hard, but you can decide to love anybody. It's not an inescapable, instinctual thing that you have no choice over. It is a decision you can make or not make every moment of every day.


    1. This is such an issue worth being passionate about!! Good for you - I'm glad we agree πŸ˜€


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