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I Have It All Figured Out (And You Can, Too!)

Reasons I know I have it (life) all figured out and I'm the last living, sane, human (on Earth):

  • I know what I want to do with my life (I still have to do most of it as I haven't died yet).
  • I constantly realize everyone else is a stupid idiot. Especially while I'm driving.
  • I follow my head rather than my heart.
  • I know what other people should do to stop being stupid (obviously). I'd make a great world dominator. 
  • I laugh more than most people.
  • I drink water (most people drink soda... or coffee)
  • I don't even need coffee.
  • I actually enjoy life most of the time. I think that's a plus. 
  • I don't really care what other's think. That doesn't really matter.
  • I thrive while most people stress. Not because most people stress, but just because I'm good with stress.
  • I like adulting, though I hate the word.
  • I wouldn't move to another planet if it were an option. I'm satisfied with the world God gave me. Though I think He's OK with the changes I want to make... 
  • I like business and could run one successfully since I understand money's #1 purpose is to be spent. 
  • Everyone constantly tells me, "Keturah, you really have your life together."
  • I constantly tell everyone, "I have my life figured out."
  • I see and I know.
  • I know and I do.
  • I think as I do and I never regret.
  • Regret is a waste of time. 
  • I would make a good world-wide Queen. 
  • I understand idiots. I do not pity them. 
  • I love to laugh. And to smile.
  • I am happy with most of my selfies. I don't worry about the selfies I'm not happy with.
  • Anxiety is for other people.
  • I don't need a lot of clothes to be happy.
  • I do need a lot of books, though.
  • Food is a necessary evil I try to do without. 85% chocolate is my luxury.
  • Life is ideas. Ideas are life. 
  • Have the right ideas are you won't be an idiot.
  • Most people have the wrong ideas. Thus the #stupidIdiot movement is prolonged. 
  • Most necessities are a matter of cultural expectations. I need next to nothing. 
  • I don't like fast food because I chose to believe that.
  • I believe something and then I like/ hate according to that belief. This applies with my religion, work, food, and friends.
  • I love work. #workaholic. 
  • I am confident.
  • I am content.
  • I choose to continue being confident and content.
  • Depression sneaks up on the best of us, but I choose to run away every time as we don't get a long too well.
  • I sleep at night.
  • I live in the daytime.
  • I rarely dream when I sleep. If I do and they threaten to turn bad I wake up and rewrite my dream. I've never had a nightmare because I don't allow horror in my rewrites. 
  • I'm aware that most of the world doesn't understand me and I don't care.
  • I've experienced a lot, traveled a ton, know many people, attended various denominations. I strongly believe this experience has shaped my path to figuring out life. But I'm also certain I was just born smart.
  • If I'm wrong on any of these points (which I strongly doubt) I'm still confident I have life figured out. That confidence is really all I need.

And what of you? Do you have life figured out? If so please share, so that those who don't may learn from both of us! 
Note: this is another of my satire posts. So, please share... and laugh! 


  1. Lol, I thought it was sarcasm from the title. XD

    Love your new blog design. <3

    1. Haha! You are pretty good at sorting out my satire posts ;)

      And thanks! I wanted something that was still colorful, but easier on the eyes. Hard combination :)

  2. I was pretty sure it was satire from the title... but honestly you kinda do seem to have life figured out? LOL, I know no one truly has life figured out, but this post is pretty good. ;)


    1. Haha! I'm definitely confident and know what I think and what I think I want. But even amidst that I find that I can constantly learn that life isn't what I thought it was—and when that happens, it's pretty clear life can't be figured out by humans ;D

      And thanks!

  3. So, I don't know you from Adam -- or perhaps I should say Eve -- but, after watching your 4-year Blogiversary video, and reading this post, I laughed. It also made me curious...

    How have you come to the biblical beliefs you currently hold? It seems there would be two ways of determining beliefs (Relative to what you wrote). The first would be to visit multiple denominations and determine which sounds the best and then stay there. The second would be to determine the correct course, and then choose the 'denomination' that best matches your beliefs.

    Wouldn't your course of action be subject to your current mindset (and/or emotional state)?

    1. Haha! I hoped it made you laugh in a good way ;)

      OK so I am non-denominational, but both of your guesses are very close to the truth. First, I have visited many, many denominations and seen that most have a lot of truth wrapped in false teachings. But I don't that differently from how my parents raised me (though I don't believe 100% the way they taught me, because my studies and experiences have developed how I believe).

      I'm very careful not to let anything I do or believe be subject to my emotional state or mindset But that may be partly true :)

      Thank you for commenting!


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