Wednesday, June 27, 2018

I Have It All Figured Out (And You Can, Too!)

Reasons I know I have it (life) all figured out and I'm the last living, sane, human (on Earth):

  • I know what I want to do with my life (I still have to do most of it as I haven't died yet).
  • I constantly realize everyone else is a stupid idiot. Especially while I'm driving.
  • I follow my head rather than my heart.
  • I know what other people should do to stop being stupid (obviously). I'd make a great world dominator. 
  • I laugh more than most people.
  • I drink water (most people drink soda... or coffee)
  • I don't even need coffee.
  • I actually enjoy life most of the time. I think that's a plus. 
  • I don't really care what other's think. That doesn't really matter.
  • I thrive while most people stress. Not because most people stress, but just because I'm good with stress.
  • I like adulting, though I hate the word.
  • I wouldn't move to another planet if it were an option. I'm satisfied with the world God gave me. Though I think He's OK with the changes I want to make... 
  • I like business and could run one successfully since I understand money's #1 purpose is to be spent. 
  • Everyone constantly tells me, "Keturah, you really have your life together."
  • I constantly tell everyone, "I have my life figured out."
  • I see and I know.
  • I know and I do.
  • I think as I do and I never regret.
  • Regret is a waste of time. 
  • I would make a good world-wide Queen. 
  • I understand idiots. I do not pity them. 
  • I love to laugh. And to smile.
  • I am happy with most of my selfies. I don't worry about the selfies I'm not happy with.
  • Anxiety is for other people.
  • I don't need a lot of clothes to be happy.
  • I do need a lot of books, though.
  • Food is a necessary evil I try to do without. 85% chocolate is my luxury.
  • Life is ideas. Ideas are life. 
  • Have the right ideas are you won't be an idiot.
  • Most people have the wrong ideas. Thus the #stupidIdiot movement is prolonged. 
  • Most necessities are a matter of cultural expectations. I need next to nothing. 
  • I don't like fast food because I chose to believe that.
  • I believe something and then I like/ hate according to that belief. This applies with my religion, work, food, and friends.
  • I love work. #workaholic. 
  • I am confident.
  • I am content.
  • I choose to continue being confident and content.
  • Depression sneaks up on the best of us, but I choose to run away every time as we don't get a long too well.
  • I sleep at night.
  • I live in the daytime.
  • I rarely dream when I sleep. If I do and they threaten to turn bad I wake up and rewrite my dream. I've never had a nightmare because I don't allow horror in my rewrites. 
  • I'm aware that most of the world doesn't understand me and I don't care.
  • I've experienced a lot, traveled a ton, know many people, attended various denominations. I strongly believe this experience has shaped my path to figuring out life. But I'm also certain I was just born smart.
  • If I'm wrong on any of these points (which I strongly doubt) I'm still confident I have life figured out. That confidence is really all I need.

And what of you? Do you have life figured out? If so please share, so that those who don't may learn from both of us! 
Note: this is another of my satire posts. So, please share... and laugh! 


  1. Lol, I thought it was sarcasm from the title. XD

    Love your new blog design. <3

    1. Haha! You are pretty good at sorting out my satire posts ;)

      And thanks! I wanted something that was still colorful, but easier on the eyes. Hard combination :)


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