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The Colors Of My Life


It's my twenty-third birthday today. 
I've decided to write something less angsty than my posts from previous years. 
(I mean, I'm not that angsty anymore, so yeah)

Dreams are meant to be learned and lived, not kept inside your head
  1. What do you want? This question has always haunted me, especially when my brain isn't busy doing. Sometimes I'll answer myself. Normally I laugh at myself and start doing something again. What do I want? I want to live life. So, that's what I do. Who needs to know all the finer details? They get ironed out after time if you keep going forward. It's good to have goals (I have lots of those). But some desires are only fulfilled by not thinking and simply living fully.
  2. Who are you? I am Keturah, and that's defined by both what I do and think. And all of that has its bitter and sweet moments, sometimes at once. Mostly I laugh at the identity question. For a time it did bother me because society said I must know. But ya know, some things you just know and can't pinpoint that with words. I don't want all my actions to be doubts and questions. So I live and write only the words I know must be written. 
  3. Why? Why do I live? Because my heart beats and my lungs breathe. Why do I work? Because I can and it's what I was created to do. Why do I write? For the same reason my heart beats. Why do I let my heart beat? Because I've found it's not good to be all mind and no heart.
  4. Or maybe the question is really, Why not? And I have to agree. Why not do all the things I must do? I have no reason not to ... 
  5. Brown may seem like such an ordinary color, but I love it none the less. I love how it seems to blend in with everything, yet it's one of the richest colors. I think part of its richness is the fact that it accentuates others' 'beauty. 
  6. I live a very productive life, but I don't actually have to do anything. I don't have to worry about bills or food or anything. I have no binding commitments to people or careers. And so I asked myself again, why not? I have dreams I've kept since a child, always saying "Maybe someday." But what keeps me from making today that someday? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 
  7. And so I went to my first writers' conference. And then two more. 
  8. And so I applied online at several different Au Pair websites. I am going to GERMANY next month! 
  9. I say green is the magic color because it unites. Brown goes to the background, but green pops out of the background, not because it wants to overpower every other color, but because every color needs it. Green compliments and makes perfect. Green gives life. Green is life. It might not be sparkly and colorful, but it's magical all the same. 
  10. I'm not an animal lover, but I've loved some animals. I've had goats, two cats, and a dog. I've saved baby birds. I've rescued turtles. I've loved possums and lizards. Mostly, if an animal is living according to their purpose, I love them. If not ... well, it's like people. Why are you doing nothing???
  11. I'm blunt. Some say I'm scary and aggressive. Am I? I think I am. But I'm learning this isn't always bad. I can stand up for those who need it. I do need to be less confrontational ... sometimes. Most of the times, I think it's good to make others' think. Most of the time, I love being outside of the majority. No, I don't hate you ... unless you've given me very good reason to do so. 
  12. I don't actually desire to be a leader, though I know I'm called to some sort of such life. It's exhausting. It's lonely. It's ... everything the extroverted, happy side of me doesn't want. But I have a voice, and if I don't use it I know I'll die.
  13. I think I'm less extroverted than I was as a trusting child. But I haven't become a complete bitter introvert yet, so all hope isn't lost.
  14. According to a "legend", I've heard pink was once the boys' color. In the World Wars, when advertisements became popular and companies discovered they could make more money by promoting colors for baby things, they chose pink for the boys (a lesser shade of the violent red) and blue for the girls (a softer flowery color). During the second wave of feminism, feminist claimed pink for themselves, because of it's violent connotations. Since, it's not seen as a girls' color. Though I'm not a feminist, I love this story. Because yeah, pink is just so bluntly vivacious. It's wild and chaotic in all the best feminine ways. It stands out and it adds a bang that you just can't help adoring. 
  15. Sometimes I wish I were still naive. But then I can't believe it when I meet others who still are ... What once bothered me doesn't anymore, and I often wonder what it means to be innocent. If it means being blind, I wonder if I like seeing after all? But I don't think I can give up my eyes or my mind, so I'm fated to become less and less naive all my days.
  16. I dreamed of having my drivers license for so long. Now that I have it I hate driving. But I love going places, so I haven't returned my license yet. 
  17. If you aren't content, there's a reason. Find out that reason, not by trial and error, but with wisdom. Then put in the work, because contentment is that feeling you have at the end of a productive day, not after a silly romance or high moment.
  18. Life is doesn't end when you grow old, or when you die. Life is forever, and now is the first step of living that forever.
  19. Grey (I'm sorry, I'm just not a fan of gray when it comes to colors) is amazing because it's neither black nor white. Yes, I'm a fan of absolute truth, and yes I do not believe in grey-areas. I do believe truth is all the colors of the spectrum .... sometimes there's a third reason, and the first two are both equally wrong. Mostly, I don't like white or black shoes and accessories, because that's what everyone else is wearing. But I still like looking professional at conferences, so I wear grey. 
  20. She who doesn't laugh has no hope. It's the best medicine for bitterness.
  21. I might be a hippie in spirit, but wow I sure do love a three-course meal and wearing high heels. I really love fancy food and business meetings and courtrooms.
  22. I always thought I'd never grow old. You know, because I plan to stay young forever. I'm realizing I'll be old longer than I'll be young. And I'm actually looking forward to it. But now is when I decide how strong and how long I get to be old.
  23. Communication is hard. Friends are hard. Life is hard. Dreams are hard. Hard is not bad. But sleeping should still be a priority ... or pretty close to the top of the list.
I dreamed of being every age up until now and afterward. I guess I'm finally leaving those kids years behind? But I don't really think so ;p Because I'm just now starting to feel comfortable in my skin. My skin feels great, but still have to figure out some kinks ;) 

*This post was inspired from posts by Stephanie MorrillBrian McBride, and Phoebe Ross.
**Excepting the one picture of me in each collage and the words, the images in the collages are from Canva and Unsplash. 

Comments

  1. Happy birthday, Keturah!! *confetti*

    And I loved this post so much! It’s such a unique formatting. (My favorite line has to be: “But I haven’t become a complete bitter introvert yet, so all hope isn’t lost. XD)

    Ugh, and yes, I hate driving too! -_-

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    1. Thanks! But now I gotta wash all that stuff out of my hair ... ;0 haha, jk ; D

      Thanks!!! The formatting was so much fun! And I'm glad you love that line ;D

      Glad I'm not alone ;)

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  2. Happy Birthday girl! And those colors fit your personality so well, I love it!

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    1. Thanks, Catherine ;D Yeah, they are great colors ;D

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  3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! this was such a nice post!! ALSO WHAT! AN AU PAIR IN GERMANY?? my mom's legit obsessed watching tv programs/reality shows of au pairs!! pls keep up updated on that - it's so cool!! how long are you staying??

    hope you have a beautiful year <33

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    1. Thanks, Lisa!!!! Yeah, so excited! Definitely will ... in a few months this blog shall turn into a travel blog for awhile, so you'll be seeing lots of that ;) I'll be staying six months, if all goes well.

      Thank you!

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  4. Happy 23rd Birthday, Keturah!
    I especially love that brown compilation.
    (and I also appreciate how you spell grey with an 'e')

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    1. Thanks, Blue! So glad you like the brown ... it's such an underrated color ;D And yeah, e's are just amazing ;D

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  5. *hands you cake* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KETURAH!!!!! <3 <3

    This post is such a great idea and I absolutely love the color collages (they're so aesthetic XD). Also, I agree with you about spelling grey with an e; it just sounds so much more elegant somehow. And OH MY GOODNESS you're going to GERMANY!!!!! That's so amazing, have a fun time!!

    Enjoy being 23! ♥

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    1. *eats cake because it's polite, but really doesn't like cake* THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

      Ah, thanks so much! I totally don't feel like an aesthetic person, but I tried HARD with these ;) It is so elegant! Yes, way too excited for Germany ;)

      Definitely will enjoy it ;)

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  6. J+M+J
    ¡¡Feliz Compleaños!! *Happy birthday song sung in uber-high descant*
    Hmm, I do confess that I find quite a bit of pickings with this post... for once... but I wish not to miserate you on your birthday by picking it apart, so I will try not too.... (For the most part)
    Though I have got to say something, so here goes... forgive me. Remember, if you're not content, yes, find the reason, but in life it is impossible to be fully content, for it is only in the exit of death and the entrance to life that you can really be content... so the closer you are to your Lord, the closer you are to full contentment, and the more contented you will be. Also, be soooo very careful trying to fulfill your dreams... and do so NOT in the way the world tells you. (Which I'm sure you weren't planning on...) :)
    I'll stop there, no worries... sorry again.

    May our dear Lord and almighty God send down His infinite blessings and graces upon you on this, the anniversary of your entrance to the world, and may your day be filled with joy, happiness, and love.
    (Tis about the best I can do, besides a prayer, which I can afford as well... your welcome!)

    And yet again my comment is the longest on the line... Ugh! *shakes head at myself*... it's a poor habit I'm afraid, I talk too much... whoops....

    The Doorman.

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    1. Thanks!!!! Great voice ;)
      Hey, I love long comments so much!
      I've actually written so many posts on what you're saying, and I'll have to say if I were you taking my comments at face value, I'd have to agree .. mostly, I mean.
      I do believe we are to live this life fully content AS we long and hope for the next life. Just as we should live every day loving all the little things yet never nearing complacent, because we should always have goals to work and grow toward. Basically I live life on this constant line between content and discontment, which I think is perfect. In this post though, I'm talking about the daily moments. If you're not happy with those, but always grumbling about tomorrow, then before you can find tomorrow's happiness you must first learn to be happy today. Same with heaven, we can't aspire for all of Heaven's riches until we've become productive stewards of what God has given us here.
      And for dreams. I'm soooo anit "follow your dreams". In fact, I'm anti most modern self-centered philosophies. But there are some dreams that aren't necessarily self-centered, but actual desires that can be used for good or evil, depending on how you pursue them. Many of us have such dreams, but but them off as far-off possiblities of the future, forgetting that the future might be today, if only we choose. Those are the sort of dreams I'm talking of following, not the sort that chooses my desires over God's, but the sort that embraces the good desires he's given me to bless me with a fulfilling life. At least as fulfilling as is humanely possible on Earth.

      Thanks so much! I like "poor habits" that result in such fun discussions ;)

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    2. J+M+J
      Thanks!
      Yes ok, that makes more sense now... reading it over gave me an impression that it was swinging the wrong direction, which I thought odd of you as you don't seem to be a worldling... so I figured I was taking it wrong and I suppose I was! But yes, I agree, we must learn to be content with what our Lord gives us, we should be more then content: we should be thankful! I see your point there now, apologies. Yes, tis true, I just hear the words "true" or "follow" in combination with "dreams" and just about every mental "DANGER!" alarm in my head starts ringing at once..... I suppose there is the one ultimate dream, (hehe, no need to explain, right? ;) ) that we must try to follow... for if we put heaven as "impossible" or "I'll do it later" then you're either despairing in our Lord's mercy or presuming in our Lord's mercy, both of which are unforgivable sins (unforgivable only because in both cases you don't ask for forgiveness, which is a condition to be forgiven).

      Hehe... maybe so....

      The Doorman.

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    3. I must say, I admire it when others believe as I do on these topics. It's some rare beliefs you hold, and I really should thank you for calling me out. Because, yes, my comments in and of themselves could have been veering in a dangerous direction ;)

      Delete
  7. Happy Birthday, Keturah!! I hope that this yet is the best yet for you! I loved this post and all of your thoughts on colors!!

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    1. Thank you so much! Every year is so great, 'tis true! Glad you like the colors ;)

      Delete
  8. Happy Birthday! I love your collection of thoughts, one for each year. They reminded me of Proverbs, each with something to think about. I am so glad to hear you are content with who you are and why you are here. I know both, but I definitely don't always feel peace about it (something God is working on in me). Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

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    1. Thanks! I love proverbs, so it's a great honor to be related to such wisdom. And yes, peace is something that is quite hard to come by, but something that's very good to have ;) Thank you!

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  9. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KETURAH!! (A day late. But who cares. 23 is still new on you.)

    I love the color brown, too, for all the reasons you said! (All the color collages are so cool!) And you're going to Germany????? That's soooo cool!! Can't wait to hear all about it. ;)

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    1. Hey, a day late is better than never! But yes, in my opinion late shows even more signs of caring than on time ;)

      Yay, another brown lover!!! Thanks! Yes!!!!!!! I can't wait to share all about it ... to be honest, I didn't quite mean to spill the beans yet. Seriously, you all were supposed to skim over that part ;)

      Delete
    2. Like it's possible to skim over "Oh yeah, I'm going to Germany!" ;)

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    3. Haha, good point ;) But to be honest, I'm surprised constantly over what gets missed ;D "Serious, that should have blown up! But I guess I'll just pretend I never said it and I'm a perfectly normal human being" ;)

      Delete
  10. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have a blessed year! Wow I love this post! And the colors, yes I love all of them! The collages are awesome!

    astorydetective.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Rakayle!!! It shall be a great year, I am sure ;) So glad you love them — great colors they are ;0

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  11. Great post, Keturah, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you had a good one. :D That's so interesting about the pink and blue thing!

    theonesthatreallymatter.blogspot.com

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    1. THANK YOU EMILY! I had a normal day cleaning houses. But I've come to a place in life where normal is special every day ;) Love it!!! Yeah, I love that story so much ... I'm glad you enjoyed it ;)

      Delete
  12. Happy birthday! I'm obsessed with the psychology of colours, so I love how you've used them here. So beautiful :)

    Ahh good luck with the au pairing! My cousin's also going to Germany (next month) to au pair! Such a coincidence!

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    1. Thanks! Oh, you know I've never studied the psychology of colors. I'm really going to have to do that ... glad you think so, though!

      Wow, what a neat coincidence as you say!!! I'm having a few issues with my Visa. Do you think there's any chance you could pass my email onto your cousin and have her contact me soon? I'm quite desperate actually ;D

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  13. I'm late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

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  14. Happy late birthday!!!!! <3

    This post is so full of gems of wisdom and vibrant flashes of personality, it's crazy. I love your blog. (Even if I do sometimes get busy and completely fail at keeping up with your posts. :/)

    (Also, have to say, I love what you say about brown!! It's one of my favorite colors for that reason.)

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    1. Thanks, Sarah!!

      That's so sweet and encouraging! I definitely only keep at blogging because of people like you ;) or I should say mostly ;d I also feel called to it ;p

      (Yay!! That makes me all the more happy to love brown!)

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  15. I love the colors posts! I especially enjoyed the pink, since I only knew part of the story before.
    I spell gray with an A lol
    Loved loved loved this post.

    Remember..I am Hannah and Rebekah's mom. :)

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    1. Hey, Tami!
      Pink has such a fun background/ history and I only shared a small portion of what I've heard. It's interesting you've heard some of it yourself before.
      Oh, that's so fun to hear!
      THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

      Delete
  16. Happy Birthday! Funny enough I didn't learn the history of pink until I was ten. It is such a pretty color, though---especially pale pink----.

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    1. Thanks!!!
      OH, that's younger than when I learned it ... I didn't know it was common knowledge though, so I think that's neat you've learned it at all ;) I don't like too many pale colors, but if it's just right I can like pale pink ;D

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  17. Happy late birthday Keturah! This was such a beautiful post! I hope you had a great birthday. :)

    www.melodypersonetteauthor.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Melody! Glad you think so ... yes, I had a great birthday ;)

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  18. Happy late birthday!!!!! I hope you had a good one! ooooh have fun in Germany!!!

    Lia

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  19. So late to this, but Happy Birthday. Love this post, and all the bits on colors.

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    1. Thank you, Skye! Glad you liked all that ;)

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