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Three Interviews That Will Send Your Funny Bones Over The Rocker


TAKE A CHILL PILL
Maybe the Earth isn't destined to end in flames—all we need is a bit of cold love.

Five freshmen from a small northern country school have decided that the heated debate around global warming can no longer be ignored. Together they invented the vending machine they are calling The Chill Cube. After winning the county state fair, their invention has received much attention—and speculation. Can a machine that dispenses ice cubes be the answer to curing global warming?

Mallory Benton, age fifteen, the only girl and the spokesperson for the teenagers said, “I was raised Northern Baptist. People and the environment are all created by God. I was taught that everything starts in our hearts. My friends and I believe that's what's at the core of the threat of global warming—humanity's heart. When man's anger is flared everything gets heated that should have been civil—politics, theology, sports. You name it."

"Humanity needs to cool down," another of the freshmen stated.

“Exploding tempers are the worst sort of toxins you can release on the environment. Our vending machine is designed to stop that. Just take a cube and chill. It's as simple as that.”

The five youth are selling t-shirts with the slogan “Don't wanna grill? Just swallow a cube and chill.” Proceeds from the shirts will go toward installing a Chill Cube vending machine in every town.

“We know it's dreaming big. But I don't think we should give up on Earth,” One of Mallory's classmates said.

When President Trump was asked if he thought these five noble children could save Earth with their Chill Cube, Trump said, “I don't believe it. And no, I won't have an ice cube.”

But Al Gore, former vice president, along with dozens of well known Holly Wood actors and producers are cheering on Mallory Benton and her classmates. Al Gore congratulated the kids himself and told the public, “Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, the climate can be fixed with a single ice cube. It's refreshing to see kids making a stand!”

Alternative Breakfast Cereal–Could This Be the New Rage?
Most kids grow up eating stuff like Cocoa Puffs.
It's good, it's chocolate (is that redundant of 'good' ?), and sometimes it can be healthy (sort of).

But the Airedale family recently came across a new, healthier, yummier (so they say) alternative to the breakfast cereal.

Dog food.

Now, I'm sure many of you are freaking out, and asking, "What sort of family would eat that!?"
I thought the same at first, too, until I talked to them. Let me share a piece of our conversation.

MeWhy did you all start eating dog food as a breakfast cereal?

Father of the House: I'm the sort of guy that lives by the diet of, “See it and eat it.” So, when my kids were little and wanted to try the stuff, I really couldn't stop them without backing down on my principles, could I? And when I saw they liked it, I had to try it … and it just sort of progressed from there. Also, it was cheaper.

Mother of the house: I'm actually more of a health freak, I admit. So, when I saw all the benefits our organic dog food held for our animals, I thought, of course, this would be a good step for the children, too. It is definitely more nutritious than their previous breakfast choices.

Me: Was there anything that may have made you hesitant about making this change in your life?

FOTH: I would never consider myself hesitant to do anything. Like I said before if I see something, I eat it. My whole life is ruled by this principle.

MOTH: I'll admit I was worried about what the neighbors would think at first. But that fear vanished eventually when I saw all the benefits one gets from dog food. Health, even over social pressure, after all, is more important.

Me: How would you describe your family? Has changing this in your diet affected anything in your life?

FOTH: I'd describe us as the best —who else would do what they feel like? And yes, eating absolutely affects my life. I'd be dead without it.

MOTH: I would like to think that we aren't weird. We aren't are we? And yes, eating styles do change lives drastically. Just look around you—the obesity level seems to go with the crazy, uneducated theme of the USA, wouldn't you think?

I still haven't decided if I'll be changing up my breakfast routine, but I do believe this family made some extraordinary points. Do you think dog food will become the next morning rage?



Help This Girl Get Into The Prison of Her Dreams

Kids these days are desperate. You can't blame them—we are living in one of the hardest ages this world has seen yet. But when you see the measures a few teens are resorting to, that's when you realize just how sad times are.

The other day, while filling my gas tank, I witnessed the strangest thing. A young girl, about eighteen or nineteen, pacing. She looked to be very troubled about something, so being the good citizen I am, I went over to ask if she were OK.

Right off I could tell she was a little different, as she dressed similarly to the Mennonites.

“Yeah, I'm just contemplating doing something that will affect the rest of my life,” she told me.

I could tell this girl was no ordinary, dumb youth when she used such the concise, large word “contemplating”. So, I decided I liked her and wanted to help.

“Maybe a bit of advice could settle your mind?” I said.

At first, she looked unsure but then nodded. “It's just this. I want to attend college but can't afford it. Then I heard that certain prisons offer free college courses and degrees.” She paused. “Also, my family believes in betrothing. There aren't many options left out here anymore.”

That is when I began feeling strangely uneasy.

“I am looking for a way to get into prison so that I can both study and find a husband. But it's just this, I'm not sure how to go about it. I considered drinking and driving, as I'm under-aged, but that just isn’t something I would do. And now, I'm thinking of going into that gas station, and shoplifting. But I don't know, would that be enough to get me in?”

I won't even say I was nowhere close to being prepared to give her an answer. How would you advise someone to get into prison?

“Um...”

“That's alright, I know this is an awkward situation for you.”

I nodded. “I wish the best for you though.” Then I backed away from her and returned to my car.

I considered calling the police on her, to report a robbery—but then I thought, why? She wanted to go to prison either way.

And so I drove off, not wanting to see what became of the poor girl.

Comments

  1. Honestly, the best part was "Foth" and "Moth" lol

    But also the "get to prison for a college education" is like...what kind of country have we become??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha that was a weird, but fun twist for sure ;)

      But yeah... sometimes satire can be actually more depressing;/

      Delete
  2. This is GOLD. XD But also I could see these being real, not gonna lie, and that's mildly disconcerting... O_o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha the beauty of satire... is you laugh because of the truth you see ;)

      Delete
  3. Very interesting! It was quite entertaining. ;D Felt kinda like a new report.

    astordetective.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANKS! May have been what I was going for ;)

      Delete

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