Skip to main content

When The Hurting Hope



". . . then I hope she cheats 
Like you did on me 
I hope what goes, 
comes all the way around 
I hope she makes you feel 
the same way about her 
that I feel about you right now" 
~ Gabby Barrett - I Hope


Mostly, I listen to music, not lyrics. 

There are enough words in my mind. 
But occasionally the words of a song penetrate my thoughts and I find myself either in love or pulling those words apart. Sometimes the words tormenting me aren't from just one song, but a splattering and meshing of many. And so I'm not really ever hating on one song, but on a single idea threading itself through them all. 

"I hope you're feeling lonely baby 
now we're not together."
~ Marsha Ambrosius - I Hope She Cheats On You

I understand the sentiment of antipathy. 
Nobody enjoys feeling used and thrown away. It's awful having that person as merely "somebody that I used to know" (Gotye). 

 And yet. . .if you truly loved that person, how could you ever wish anything but good? How could you want anything but to see their life better? How is it that your greatest hope is now to see them as broken as you feel, this person you loved so much? 

I don't want to undermine the blessing of friendships by insinuating they are somehow inferior. They are not. And yet, even as "only" a friend, would you not have some capacity to still rejoice for the one you loved so much? 

Are not friends there for each other even when the one betrays the other, hurts the other, offends the other? 

Does love not hold any record of wrong? (1 Cor 13:5)

The other day someone ignorantly told my father that it would have been fine if our place had been burned, that buildings can be rebuilt; as if such a feat takes no money, no time; as if a family of fourteen could easily have found a new space while rebuilding. 

My first reaction was angrily to think, "I hope that you are somehow able to manage to have enough money to buy a home and then watch your home burn. To know just how impossible rebuilding can feel." 

But love does not wish for such vengeance does it? I should never wish the suffering my family has conquered and risen above on anyone. I should never wish my broken-hearted tears on even the one who caused them. 

Not even a fraction.  

One must eventually come to terms with forgiving and loving better those that broke their hearts. But when someone foolishly yet wholeheartedly wishes you actual harm? This sort of person also needs to be forgiven and loved. 

To wish every man to know the full blessing of God, to stand by every friend's (and even non-friend's) side and build them up in pure love, to have a Hope greater than the wrathful hope of vengeance. 

Not to say I don't have those thoughts that hope evil on others. 
On the men who hurt women; laughing, bragging, seeing only their own virtue, using chivalry (or maybe outward crudeness) to satisfy a need that only grows. 
On those who have quickly, mostly falsely, judged me and finalized their judgment with actions of ignorance. 

If only they knew . . .

And yet, why must they hurt as I have in order to know? Maybe the warm embers of my love continually showered on their head is more than enough. (Romans 12:20). 

And maybe . . . just maybe, I deserved a bit of what I got, too. Can I not also grow and become a better person? 

"Father, forgive my trespasses even as I forgive the trespasses of others. Bless them as I would have and desire for myself." (Matthew 6:13)

First written 8/27/2020

Comments

  1. i believe the answer to your "how" questions almost always points to the answer: "because of pain". aside from inherent sinfulness/evil, it is pain, in my opinion, that drives individuals to wish the worst on others, ignorantly and mostly towards strangers, but especially to those who have hurt them. it manifests itself in anger (which reminds me of the verse in James "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God"), and in bitterness and unforgiveness and jealousy and vengeance...

    hurt people hurt people, as they say.

    i loved these ("To wish every man to know the full blessing of God, to stand by every friend's (and even non-friend's) side and build them up in pure love, to have a Hope greater than the wrathful hope of vengeance" and "Can I not also grow and become a better person?"), because central to our belief in God is a love that loves its enemies and also, growing into the image of Jesus, who, while we were still sinners, died for all who hated and forsook Him. these days, my hope is for everyone to come to know God, that true love may abound.

    in a world filled with much hate and misery, i truly appreciate posts like these that shed light!

    also, i listen to lyrics, not music! i hope we can stay friends ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pain; ah, yes! But how does pain come about??? Of course, we know. Yet, I ask.

      I'm always so happy when you comment!!! And of course we may remain friends. I'm starting to listen to more music in which I enjoy the lyrics as much as the melodies, anyways. Who needs stuff unless it's purely artistic?

      Delete
  2. This was beautiful. <3 I get really sad whenever someone wishes harm on another. Does anyone deserve that? No, especially if they are the ones you love because no matter what happens, love never fails. Wonderful post, Keturah!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, dear friend! You just added a punch to the much used words, "love never fails".

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Living Like The Amish: Interviews With Three "English" Families PART I

Many people are obsessed with the Amish. I know at one time I was as well, and to a degree I still am. But my perception  has changed with experience. It started a long time ago when my family went to an Amish-held auction (no, it's not a place where you can buy Amish children, but a place where you can buy things from the Amish). I was eleven years old and enthralled to be surrounded by so many Amish. I loved the cockscomb flowers they sold everywhere. I bought a whole box for $2 and dried them for seeds so I could plant my own. But then I experienced my first reality shock concerning the Amish. I had assumed since they lived a simpler life everything about them was completely old-fashioned and natural. Imagine my horror when I saw Amish walking around with soda cans and store-bought ice cream. " Mom ," I said. "He's drinking soda!"  Left to right, back row: Jonny, Jonathan (Dad). Front row: Jacob, Keturah, Rebekah (Mom), Jonah (on Mom's

Peace During Patience

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” - Philippians 4:6 My family and I were sitting around the breakfast table several months ago. Mom had just read this verse. One of the kids laughed incredulously, “What is it saying? Be careful for nothing – live recklessly?” “No,” I answered quickly. My tone was very matter-of-fact, blunt, as if I were all-knowing. “It means do not worry.” The kids all nodded among themselves and life continued on for them. But for me life paused at my words. I had heard this verse soooooooo many times. I had always known what it meant. But now? Now it really meant something . “Do not worry.” This path I've chosen. I can not see it. I can not feel it. I do not know where I am. I have chosen to follow God, and no other. But why did He hide the light from my eyes? I must take a step forward. But I do not want to. How long w

Inside The Land Of The Free

Hello. My name is Greg.  I have a lot of time to think. Too much time. Sometimes I think about my life - why I am sitting in prison. I wonder what I could have done different - my life plays before my eyes. "If only..." But even I know that no amount of good works would have stopped tyranny from finding fault with me. It is cold. My clothes are thin. My stomach is empty - occasionally filled with food of no sustenance.  I hide my face in my knees - as if that will somehow protect me from the horrors of this dark cold dungeon.  They keep it cold to freeze me, this I know. It is a part of their game - to drive a lesson into me. As if I have a lesson to learn solely because I was convicted. Convicted, but not  guilty. Years.  68 years for standing against injustice. How many years have I sat in here? I have forgot. All I know is this question, "Was I fated for this? Did God grant my birth

It Doesn't Take a Genius to Recognize Corruption

After attending the writer's conference I had the opportunity to spend a week with my dad in Las Vegas (we went to federal court trials). I don't usually speak much of his work as I'm not sure all what to say about it. He keeps the public updated with what's happening in court, with all the many men locked up that he's trying to help out. I think he said there are like 19 guys right now that he is specifically trying to help release.  {If any of you have heard of the Bundy Ranch Stand Off, you'll know a little of what he is doing} I won't go into too much detail with his work. I will say if you want to know more of how to help out and learn what's going on just do some googling - my dad's name is John Lamb. You should be able to find plenty on him ;p Anyways, I was quite shocked the first day. Security didn't surprise me at all. Very much like an airport ;p  Except, most of the security was actually nicer ;) I was very p