When The Hurting Hope

". . . then I hope she cheats 

Like you did on me 

I hope what goes, 

comes all the way around 

I hope she makes you feel 

the same way about her 

that I feel about you right now" 

~ Gabby Barrett - I Hope

Mostly, I listen to music, not lyrics. 

There are enough words in my mind. 

But occasionally the words of a song penetrate my thoughts and I find myself either in love or pulling those words apart. Sometimes the words tormenting me aren't from just one song, but a splattering and meshing of many. And so I'm not really ever hating on one song, but on a single idea threading itself through them all. 

"I hope you're feeling lonely baby 

now we're not together."

~ Marsha Ambrosius - I Hope She Cheats On You

I understand the sentiment of antipathy. 

Nobody enjoys feeling used and thrown away. It's awful having that person as merely "somebody that I used to know" (Gotye). 

 And yet. . .if you truly loved that person, how could you ever wish anything but good? How could you want anything but to see their life better? How is it that your greatest hope is now to see them as broken as you feel, this person you loved so much? 

I don't want to undermine the blessing of friendships by insinuating they are somehow inferior. They are not. And yet, even as "only" a friend, would you not have some capacity to still rejoice for the one you loved so much? 

Are not friends there for each other even when the one betrays the other, hurts the other, offends the other? 

Does love not hold any record of wrong? (1 Cor 13:5)

The other day someone ignorantly told my father that it would have been fine if our place had been burned, that buildings can be rebuilt; as if such a feat takes no money, no time; as if a family of fourteen could easily have found a new space while rebuilding. 

My first reaction was angrily to think, "I hope that you are somehow able to manage to have enough money to buy a home and then watch your home burn. To know just how impossible rebuilding can feel." 

But love does not wish for such vengeance does it? I should never wish the suffering my family has conquered and risen above on anyone. I should never wish my broken-hearted tears on even the one who caused them. 

Not even a fraction.  

One must eventually come to terms with forgiving and loving better those that broke their hearts. But when someone foolishly yet wholeheartedly wishes you actual harm? This sort of person also needs to be forgiven and loved. 

To wish every man to know the full blessing of God, to stand by every friend's (and even non-friend's) side and build them up in pure love, to have a Hope greater than the wrathful hope of vengeance. 

Not to say I don't have those thoughts that hope evil on others. 

On the men who hurt women; laughing, bragging, seeing only their own virtue, using chivalry (or maybe outward crudeness) to satisfy a need that only grows. 

On those who have quickly, mostly falsely, judged me and finalized their judgment with actions of ignorance. 

If only they knew . . .

And yet, why must they hurt as I have in order to know? Maybe the warm embers of my love continually showered on their head is more than enough. (Romans 12:20). 

And maybe . . . just maybe, I deserved a bit of what I got, too. Can I not also grow and become a better person? 

"Father, forgive my trespasses even as I forgive the trespasses of others. Bless them as I would have and desire for myself." (Matthew 6:13)

First written 8/27/2020