Relationships Are Not Fairy Tales

I have always loved fairy tales. But not for the reason most seem to like them. I have always thought the fairy tale cliches of love at first sight, dreams do come true, and being saved from a hard life by a handsome Prince were stupid.

"But isn't that what fairy tales are all about? A magical way to dream of true love?"

No.
I like real fairy tales because I see them a stories full of virtue and lessons.

I don't see a story fascinating when it's about a girl falling in love because she finds her heart unable to beat steady because she just saw wind whip over a rugged face and deep blue eyes.

To me, that's not a real fairy tale, but something that Disney has made us think is the real deal. To me a fairy tale is synonymous for a moral tale — a short story about people learning lesson in a radical, shocking way often with a touch of fantasy to thrill us as we learn something valuable. Often where one would expect magic there will be gruesome horror. But the darkness isn't what fascinates me — it's the truth pulled out of the darkness that has me reading whole volumes of original fairy tales by George MacDonald, The Brothers Grimm, and Hans Christian Anderson.

But why is it so important what we think of fairy tales. "Why can't I just enjoy a silly story about a girl falling in love at first sight? And what's so bad if I do believe that's possible?"

Because everything matters.

I say I write contemporary and fairy tale, that I write about real people dealing with hard things and the solution lie in answers wrapped around bitterness or hope.

I want to break the idea that fairy tales are about romance. Because they aren't. Fairy tales are a search to find something crucial while being buried under a fantastical tale. These sort of stories leave one inspired to live in real life. To be noble and virtuous.

But modern Disney fairy tales are dangerous because it promotes dreaming of the impossible to such an extent that one loses all touch with reality. They promote selfishness over virtue. They promote lust over love.

It leads girls to thinking, "If only my prince would find me — He'd love me always and we'd live happily ever after." 

But . . . a guy can't make a girl happy any more than a girl can change a bad boy into a good man.

These lies that are in modern fairy tales are ruining girls' minds. "If only . . . but dreams do come true. So I'll keep dreaming. Someday I'll find happiness, I'll never stop dreaming." 

Dreaming is fine as long it's not an excuse to escape the present. 

Dreams are dangerous when you finally marry and you find they have distorted reality. For not only is your husband not a valiant Prince brandishing shining armor and always favoring you with deep, adoring eyes, he's a man that needs a help meet. He needs you to love him, too. And he's human. And loving is suddenly so much harder when you'd rather be alone to read a good romance.

Biblically speaking, hoping for a man to sweep you off your feet isn't realistic. Not that romance isn't biblical. But fairy tale romance isn't.

Real romance goes deeper than attraction. It doesn't start with an intense gaze between two pairs of riveting eyes. It starts with a choice to love and serve another person over oneself.

Real romance isn't about a guy saving a girl or a girl saving a guy — only God can save us. 

It's good to want a good guy. Desires for a good romance are healthy. But none of this is an excuse to pine away for TOMORROW. Modern fairy tales lie to women by telling them they can't live life completely until they find their "other half".

But that's not true. Girls, we are supposed to live every moment full. NOW is when we can be content. NOW is when we can be happy, do good, give love.

It is completely possible to be fully happy TODAY as we hope for SOMEDAY. 

It is possible to love life now as you dream of a future marriage. Just make sure that you are firmly rooted in TODAY so that when SOMEDAY comes it isn't pushed away by misconceptions.

I write fairy tales to show what a real romance is like, with hard choices, and lessons, and self-sacrifice, and morals. I don't show a girl and a guy lusting as admirable. Sometimes my fairy tales don't even have marriage — because maybe that girl or guy I'm writing about have to find contentment in another area of life. And maybe that contentment is realizing that God doesn't have "a better half" for them because God is what makes all of us whole, and He has a mission for that person that leads them beyond the flesh to something eternal.

But maybe, sometimes that path intersects with marriage.

Yet, if it doesn't . . . that's fine. Because life and relationships are so much more than kissing and "living happily ever after."

Relationships are more than modern fairy tales. Just as in friendships, girl-guy relationships are hard. You aren't always best friends. Sometimes you have to choose to keep being attracted. Sometimes you have to choose to love. Over and over and over. Just like with a best friend, any relationship is hard.

Relationships aren't fairy tales — they are a struggle to put down oneself to love another more even when their eyes aren't speaking love back to you.


Do you like fairy tales? Tell me what you think makes any sort of relationship, platonic or romantic, last? Think of your own best friends — how do you remain friends even in the hard times?